(vent not looking for advice)
for context I started seeing a psychologist last week. (I already was talking to a psychiatrist) he said “ooh you’re too young make these decisions, you might’ve manipulated when you were vulnerable” a few times during the session.
My BROTHER in christ, I’ve been suffering from gender dysphoria for nearly 4 years, it’s like someone telling someone “maybe you’re supposed to be underwater” whilst drowning. How many times do I need to say typical male identity 100% doesn’t fit me and I very well know effects of HRT. And now he wants me to write an short essay on what I went through when puberty began. What the hell do you want me to say, like “i wanna cut my penis off” or “i used to play with dolls when i was little”? after that he asked about my sexuality HOW DO HELL MY SEXUALITY RELATES TO MY GENDER IDENTITY, I especially hated it when he asked why I was trans after I told him I’m bisexual, hate how this type of cis people see gender. Felt like sisyphus trying to roll up the giant boulder while trying to explain how i think and feel.
wish I could see a queer psychologist
I’ll maybe give him another chance but I don’t think I’ll arrange another appointment.
to me the sheer ignorance of the science is even more infuriating than the transphobia … I mean, everyone is pretty much some amount of transphobic (it’s at least understandable), but the whole point of being an expert is that there are higher standards for what you are supposed to know
That shit’s fried, you need to dump that psychologist and get a new one. Do you have access to the gender care you need without them?
I didn’t ask for a psychologist, my parents made me see one. I hate saying this but, I need someone for tricking my parents to get me hrt. There’s no way I can get my blood levels checked by myself.
This is really hard. I’m so sorry that you’re parents are not willing to believe you when you tell them what you need. The whole gatekeeper model of trans health care is broken to its core. Affirming care and informed consent are all we need, anything else is transphobia.
Here is a short study on how non affirming approaches to care are terrible for those being treated https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/26895269.2025.2609952
Idk if your folks would respond to this sort of study, but if they’re the kinds of libs that mine are, studies can be helpful to soften their approach. The science is on your side,whether anyone will listen is another matter ofc.
When I sought councilling at the beginning of my gender journey I looked explicitly for queer friendly and queer run orgs. Wishing you all the luck going forward.
In my master’s degree I had to read. Whole lot of papers written by psychologists. They had a nasty habit of harking (hypothesising after the result is known) or cherry picking their test subjects to fit what they already decided the answer was. I’m not saying they are all bad apples, but they give the cops and politicians a run for their money as far as ethical standards go (at least in terms of research practices and I’d be shocked if their clinical work is any better).
I want that psychologist to have a nightmare where a doctor tells him “Oh, you’re attracted to women? Don’t you think it would be easier to meet women if you were one of them?” And then performs a forced genital reassignment surgery on him.
Sounds like you need to find a better therapist. Therapists shouldn’t judge you only see you through your eyes, but sounds like this one has conservative views on gender and sexuality and can’t separate those from their job. Unfortunately, all top common. I had to wait on a waiting list for over a year to get one that was accepting of my gender, sexuality, and neurodivergence and not try to diminish any of them or reduce them to more simple constructs to fit the limited views they were taught.
That psychologist is a transphobe, I wouldn’t go back if you can help it. If you can’t find someone who is themselves queer, it might be worth trying to find one who practices “trauma informed care” and or treats CPTSD. Trauma informed care focuses on making the client/patient feel safe enough to work on problems; and bigots tend to be less likely to accept trauma from long term abuse/neglect as a legitimate thing, and often reject CPTSD offhandedly.
If you are in the US, there is a directory on Psychology Today that can be helpful, and telehealth may be worth looking into to expand your options. If you do go telehealth, watch out for chains like Better Help who got caught selling medical info.
I’ve learned in my personal search for a therapist that the first couple of appointments is/should be a sort of interview process where both parties assess if it is a good match. A specific provider could be the best one in the world while being a poor, or even harmful match for you. It they ard a poor match, you can always find another one. At this point I have a list of issues, like chronic suicidality and queer stuff, that I bring up while watching their response so I can guage if we’ll get along. Sadly liberals and some leftists tend to be more likely to hide their transphobia/biases, so phrasing, tone, and body language are things worth keeping an eye on until trust is built.
Finding good (for you) mental health providers can be a lot of work, but is worth it.
If possible please do try to find a queer-friendly therapist, especially if they specialize in trans issues. I know it can heavily depend on your location and situation, but if it’s a possibility it will save you a lot of money, time, doubt, and frustration that would’ve been spent burning through other mental health professionals.
Hey dear, recognize that the system just wants to exploit you. And be careful with psychiatrists too, the hard drugs that they prescribe are selected to create dependency.
