(vent not looking for advice)
for context I started seeing a psychologist last week. (I already was talking to a psychiatrist) he said “ooh you’re too young make these decisions, you might’ve manipulated when you were vulnerable” a few times during the session.
My BROTHER in christ, I’ve been suffering from gender dysphoria for nearly 4 years, it’s like someone telling someone “maybe you’re supposed to be underwater” whilst drowning. How many times do I need to say typical male identity 100% doesn’t fit me and I very well know effects of HRT. And now he wants me to write an short essay on what I went through when puberty began. What the hell do you want me to say, like “i wanna cut my penis off” or “i used to play with dolls when i was little”? after that he asked about my sexuality HOW DO HELL MY SEXUALITY RELATES TO MY GENDER IDENTITY, I especially hated it when he asked why I was trans after I told him I’m bisexual, hate how this type of cis people see gender. Felt like sisyphus trying to roll up the giant boulder while trying to explain how i think and feel.
wish I could see a queer psychologist
I’ll maybe give him another chance but I don’t think I’ll arrange another appointment.
That psychologist is a transphobe, I wouldn’t go back if you can help it. If you can’t find someone who is themselves queer, it might be worth trying to find one who practices “trauma informed care” and or treats CPTSD. Trauma informed care focuses on making the client/patient feel safe enough to work on problems; and bigots tend to be less likely to accept trauma from long term abuse/neglect as a legitimate thing, and often reject CPTSD offhandedly.
If you are in the US, there is a directory on Psychology Today that can be helpful, and telehealth may be worth looking into to expand your options. If you do go telehealth, watch out for chains like Better Help who got caught selling medical info.
I’ve learned in my personal search for a therapist that the first couple of appointments is/should be a sort of interview process where both parties assess if it is a good match. A specific provider could be the best one in the world while being a poor, or even harmful match for you. It they ard a poor match, you can always find another one. At this point I have a list of issues, like chronic suicidality and queer stuff, that I bring up while watching their response so I can guage if we’ll get along. Sadly liberals and some leftists tend to be more likely to hide their transphobia/biases, so phrasing, tone, and body language are things worth keeping an eye on until trust is built.
Finding good (for you) mental health providers can be a lot of work, but is worth it.