I am too, tbh - it’s natural I think for us to worry and anticipate things that might go wrong. And to be fair, it’s good to some extent to be able to anticipate and plan - but any obsessing beyond that is not only unhelpful, but overwhelming and even harmful.

I hope you’re able to re-orient around trans joy and euphoria - it does exist, I promise, even as the world around us burns. Remember that just a few decades ago, things were much worse for trans folks in this country, and we will survive worse. Help yourself survive by focusing on your own happiness and well-being. Love yourself, and take care of yourself 🥰

It’s probably helpful to remember that the political scapegoating isn’t personal, nothing is wrong with you wanting to live fully as yourself anymore than there is anything wrong with Jewish people living, or gay folks, etc. - we are victimized not because there is any wrong about us, but because it is politically useful.

Stay safe but stay focused on your well-being. Learning to pass is a useful skill, not just for safety but for reducing dysphoria - it sounds crazy but sometimes makeup literally helped me recover from difficult suicidal thoughts.

Focus on the practical, helpful things you can do - what is within your control now. Keep going in the right direction, and don’t obsess about things you can’t control. As far as I can tell, that’s part of how we can reduce unnecessary suffering.

wooooo congrats! 🥰

yes, transition first - boymode later :-)

can relate, feel free to DM me to talk anytime - not sure I have useful advice, but I do struggle with similar feelings and executive dysfunction

time to get a new ID :-)

being accepted by other women is one of the best parts of transition, tbh - I know not every transfem feels this way, but for me growing up being perceived as male by other women was painfully alienating, and I didn’t get along with other boys that well.

Finally being seen as a woman (and thus treated as one) somehow just feels so right and normal, and it’s like I’m finally able to integrate with society.

probably something about shared genetic etiology between neurodivergence and gender dysphoria:

the G allele in STS is associated with reduced enzyme levels; this has been noted mostly in studies of ADHD (41), a condition with fivefold increased incidence of gender dysphoria (42), suggesting a possible overlap in etiology.

source

here’s a link to citation 41

and a link to citation 42

Gender Reveal might be relevant? Some of the interviews are with notable trans folks like Susan Stryker, Imogen Binnie, Casey Plett, and Torrey Peters.

I’m in the U.S. and I just called up my primary care physician and asked them to refer me to an endocrinologist for gender dysphoria. No therapist was required, a letter was only required for surgery. I just wonder if you might be in the UK or somewhere else, where the requirements are different.

Either way, I would talk to your therapist about the need to start HRT ASAP and get that ball rolling, no reason to wait.

And regarding detransition: where is the evidence that the rates are higher than they are? This is just asking us to ignore evidence in favor of speculation … And it’s hilarious that they then claim that the wait ensures reduced regret and detransition rates - which is it, is the wait effective at preventing detransition and the rates are low (as we know they are), or is it actually the case that loads of people are detransitioning that we have no evidence for like originally argued?

This makes no sense to me.

The way to walk through someone arguing for trans-specific gatekeeping is to walk through the same scenarios for cis people and ask why their regrets don’t matter and why only trans regret matters. Teenagers can get breast augmentations or reductions without forced wait times. Cis people can get on puberty blockers for precocious puberty, and it’s even becoming a pseudoscience fad for young men to take testosterone under misconceptions that testosterone is waning and they need exogenous sources to make them manly enough. Again, no gatekeeping, cis people have free access to gender affirming care.

Pretty soon it’s obvious the rules that are only for trans people are because they are trans, and not because there is a good, medical reason for it. This is also why informed consent is used now and why WPATH doesn’t require forced wait times for starting HRT, etc. and yet the detransition rate hasn’t suddenly exploded.

It just turns out, cis people don’t tend to want to take cross-sex hormones, and even if they do, they find out quickly it isn’t great for them.

The evidence we have is that of the few who detransition, they usually do so not because they’re cis but because they don’t have support from their family and society - transition is too difficult so they detransition because they don’t have enough support.

EDIT: some actual evidence:

https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/

4. Regrets following gender transition are extremely rare and have become even rarer as both surgical techniques and social support have improved. Pooling data from numerous studies demonstrates a regret rate ranging from .3 percent to 3.8 percent. Regrets are most likely to result from a lack of social support after transition or poor surgical outcomes using older techniques.

whoa, I remember your previous photo - this is a huge change!! 😍

That’s convenient, just have to remember the number seven - it takes up to seven years to go back seven years 🥳

This is great news, I have hairline dysphoria and I assumed I wasn’t going to get any of that back since it’s been a year and I haven’t noticed any obvious changes.

Thanks as always, Ada ☺️

whoa! do you know how long roughly it takes to get that regrowth?

I wouldn’t delay on HRT, I think it should be the first thing people do.

You have a medical condition that needs treatment. No one earns medical care, it’s a necessity.

this a thousand times, shout it from the rooftops: transition is not earned, is not a luxury, is not optional - it is a medical necessity

What crap are people going to give you about detransitioning, I’m confused by that …

Are you in the U.S.? Wondering why your therapist is a gatekeeper …

I think the only problem is that Folx and Plume are extremely over-priced. DIY is much cheaper, for example, as is going to a normal doctor with insurance.

You will have to tell your family physician eventually once you start to medically transition, or if that’s really not an option, you will have to find a new primary care physician (PCP) who you are willing to work with.

If you want to see an endocrinologist, it starts by getting a referral to the endo by either your PCP, or sometimes by a psychiatrist.

I live in the southeastern U.S. and here we have the Trans in the South Guide. I was in a similar position as you when my egg broke: older, supportive spouse, but not much else - I tend to be a hermit and cloister myself.

I used the Trans in the South Guide to find an endocrinologist in my area, and I called my PCP and told them I have gender dysphoria and I would like to be referred to the particular endo that was in the directory. By sheer luck my PCP was trans-affirming, and by coincidence already has some other trans patients (though I am his first trans woman patient).

The city I live in has a local LGBT+ Pride group, and there is a trans support group that meets - I started to go to support group meetings and just talked to people.

Connecting with your local community is usually the best way to find out which providers are good, which are bad, which insurance companies are good and which are bad, etc.

So first of all, find your local pride group, start going to regular in-person meetups and get to know people. You can ask questions there, but you will also get to hear people’s stories as they have tried to navigate what you’re about to go through. Even if there is no trans-specific group, just going to LGBT+ events will hopefully increase the odds of meeting other trans people that you can network with. Forming a group chat (or getting invited to one) was really helpful for collecting and sharing resources.

Finding a psychologist that works with trans patients is important, but the advice is about the same: research online (my local pride group has a directory of providers, I actually used the Trans in the South Guide to find my psychologist), and connect with community to benefit from word of mouth (talk to people and ask which therapists they went to, who they recommend, etc.).

I had to change my initial therapist because, even though she was trans affirming, she had never written letters or dealt with the bureaucratic process of patients going through surgeries - I needed someone with more experience because I was not prepared to guide them through that myself.

If you have to move forward and none of the recommended people work, you can always just take the risk and try to see a provider that hasn’t been vetted. Worst case scenario, you can try to navigate this with heuristics: in my experience a provider is more likely to be safe if they are younger, queer themselves, and / or a woman. It seems like straight, older, and male doctors are more likely to be overtly transphobic (obviously this is not always true, these are just stereotypes to fall back on help guide you when all else fails - there are plenty of counter-examples, my endo was old and male, my PCP is straight and male, etc.).

Much luck to you dear, I wish you abundant gender euphoria in your future.

• I watched Bailey Jay’s videos on 4chan as a child.
• My dad didn’t let me cross-dress as a child.
• Too many women in my life growing up, every brother just wants to be a girl so he can fit in with his sisters, right?
• For that sweet female privilege.
• Because I’m “gay”.

It sounds to me like you are on the verge of having a lot more freedom in your life - if you are college-aged, you are likely the age of the majority and at least should have the legal rights to make your own medical decisions. (I know it’s often not that simple, if you are economically dependent still, etc.)

If you do end up in college, try to access the mental health resources they have - people often don’t realize that students have access to free therapy on campus, this is a great time to start building your autonomy and independence and therapy can be a useful tool to that end.