Admin of lemmy.blahaj.zone

I can also be found on the microblog fediverse at @ada@blahaj.zone or on matrix at @ada:chat.blahaj.zone

  • 10 Posts
  • 144 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: January 2nd, 2023

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  • There are many reasons to be frightened. It just doesn’t help to add fictional stories (or at best secondhand anecdotes) to that.

    This is what I mean. You are so sure it’s a lie, something that you don’t know for sure either, to the extent that you’re willing to actively encourage gender diverse people to throw caution to the wind and put their complete faith in a system that was actively working against their interests even before the new president was elected.

    Caution is warranted. A bunch of non regular posters to this community seeing this post and deciding to tell trans people that it’s all ok, and that they should continue to trust the system, that their caution is unwarranted? If you don’t see how being part of that chorus is a problem, then I don’t know what to tell you…



  • I’m disappointed that the majority of top level replies to this post is a bunch of people deciding to jump in and question its validity. Yeah, it may not be true. But it also could be true, because bigots feel empowered at the moment and may well act in the way described even if they’re not technically “meant” to.

    So yes, express caution and don’t assume everything you read is true, but conversely don’t come in to a queer space, in the middle of an active movement against gender diverse folk, and fill the comment section with denials and second guessing, as if everything is fine and its business as usual, as if people are being unreasonable for being concerned











  • For what it’s worth, I’m a late transitioning trans woman that speed ran my transition and has a semi antagonistic relationship with femininity.

    Nearly 8 years in, I still wonder if I’d identify on the binary if I’d have been born a generation or two later than I was. I still don’t really understand my sexuality and romantic attractions.

    All I can tell you though is that even without all of the answers, I’m more me than I’ve ever been :)


  • Yes, I do tend to think of the trans label as a diagnostic category that if I’m in it, I should do certain things,

    That’s because of generations of transphobic gatekeeping shoving that down our throats. They hide the people who don’t fit the acceptable narratives, and deny them care and invalidate them.

    That is absolutely not what being trans is about.

    Being trans is about taking the steps to live your life on your own terms. If you don’t know what your own terms are, then its giving yourself permission to explore and find out, because even that is living your life on your own terms.

    It was only by realizing I was essentially living with a condition and not medicated that I was being irresponsible, and that was being a burden on others because I was living this way.

    The reality of living with dysphoria is real, but it’s important that you don’t equate dysphoria and trans identity. One can be trans without dysphoria, and whilst there is a relationship between the two, they are distinct, and one doesn’t automatically flow from the other.

    You don’t need to know all the answers. You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need a permanent and forever label that you are 100% certain of, because honestly, none of those things will give you what you want. If you’re chasing them, it’s because you are trying to validate who you are to yourself and to others. And that self doubt is a real thing, that so many of us struggle with. But we don’t solve it by finding labels and saying “See, I’ve got proof”, because the self doubt doesn’t care about that, and will still sneak through the cracks.

    We disempower self doubt by living our lives on our own terms, and over time, the truth of our lived experience starts to undo the lifetime of self doubt we’ve been taught. Of course, it’s much harder than a single sentence makes it sound, but just be careful not to fall in to the trap of chasing labels and identity as the answer to the doubts you have, because they’re not. The labels help you understand more about yourself and the people around you, but they’re tools, not answers


  • I worked with a supportive group of folk, and I told them that I’ll be voice training, and that I’ll sound ridiculous for a while, and that I’m super self conscious about it, and so whilst we’re all good to stir each other a bit as we have always done, I asked them to not use my voice as a target.

    They were cool with that, and so I was able to just train it by using it every day.

    Ultimately, I ended up getting VFS too, but my training before that was still helpful, because vocal surgery is a way of getting more for less with your training, more than a way of avoiding training altogether.



  • I’m about 6 years post bottom surgery, and it’s been good and bad.

    I had issues with scarring for the first 12 months that made for a really difficult time dilating, and also meant that I wasn’t able to have sexual interactions the way I was hoping to have them. I battled with that for a while, then covid came along, my mental health took a dive, and I stopped dilating.

    Now, I’m effectively “zero depth”.

    And that all sounds bad right? But it’s not. My dysphoria is gone. Clothes fit me the way they’re meant to. I feel comfortable naked. I am comfortable in my skin in a way I couldn’t be before bottom surgery. And sure, I can’t have sex the way I want, but that was already true before I had bottom surgery, so even though I didn’t get everything I hoped for, I am still way better off than I was before my bottom surgery.

    Can you orgasm?

    Yep!

    Any unique hygiene issues?

    Not really. Nothing comes to mind

    What are some non-obvious post-surgery things that only become apparent when everything settles back into a routine?

    Farts that roll up the front are a whole different experience :P

    But more seriously, I don’t really remember what “before” was like anymore. It’s just normal life these days.



  • If you’re having jaw work done like I did, eating anything solid will be impossible for a dew days. I ate a lot of yoghurt for the first 3 days and not much else. But basically, anything that you don’t have to chew.

    After that, I was able to move on to soft foods that needed a bit of chewing. At that point, it’s pretty much anything you like, as long as it’s not going to require lots of jaw strength.


  • Anything you’re curious about or anxious about. The meeting isn’t long, or particularly in-depth, and most things can be answered by talking to other folk in the community.

    What the meeting is really about is helping you address any concerns or questions you couldn’t find answers to. If you don’t have any of them, then there are no “must ask” questions.

    And if you’re curious about FFS from someone who has been through it, I’m happy to answer questions too :)