Fuck yeah! I’m here for it

For what it’s worth, I’m a late transitioning trans woman that speed ran my transition and has a semi antagonistic relationship with femininity.

Nearly 8 years in, I still wonder if I’d identify on the binary if I’d have been born a generation or two later than I was. I still don’t really understand my sexuality and romantic attractions.

All I can tell you though is that even without all of the answers, I’m more me than I’ve ever been :)

Yes, I do tend to think of the trans label as a diagnostic category that if I’m in it, I should do certain things,

That’s because of generations of transphobic gatekeeping shoving that down our throats. They hide the people who don’t fit the acceptable narratives, and deny them care and invalidate them.

That is absolutely not what being trans is about.

Being trans is about taking the steps to live your life on your own terms. If you don’t know what your own terms are, then its giving yourself permission to explore and find out, because even that is living your life on your own terms.

It was only by realizing I was essentially living with a condition and not medicated that I was being irresponsible, and that was being a burden on others because I was living this way.

The reality of living with dysphoria is real, but it’s important that you don’t equate dysphoria and trans identity. One can be trans without dysphoria, and whilst there is a relationship between the two, they are distinct, and one doesn’t automatically flow from the other.

You don’t need to know all the answers. You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need a permanent and forever label that you are 100% certain of, because honestly, none of those things will give you what you want. If you’re chasing them, it’s because you are trying to validate who you are to yourself and to others. And that self doubt is a real thing, that so many of us struggle with. But we don’t solve it by finding labels and saying “See, I’ve got proof”, because the self doubt doesn’t care about that, and will still sneak through the cracks.

We disempower self doubt by living our lives on our own terms, and over time, the truth of our lived experience starts to undo the lifetime of self doubt we’ve been taught. Of course, it’s much harder than a single sentence makes it sound, but just be careful not to fall in to the trap of chasing labels and identity as the answer to the doubts you have, because they’re not. The labels help you understand more about yourself and the people around you, but they’re tools, not answers

I worked with a supportive group of folk, and I told them that I’ll be voice training, and that I’ll sound ridiculous for a while, and that I’m super self conscious about it, and so whilst we’re all good to stir each other a bit as we have always done, I asked them to not use my voice as a target.

They were cool with that, and so I was able to just train it by using it every day.

Ultimately, I ended up getting VFS too, but my training before that was still helpful, because vocal surgery is a way of getting more for less with your training, more than a way of avoiding training altogether.

Interestingly, my T levels went up post bottom surgery. I had blasted it so low it was undetectable on HRT, but post op, without blockers, I reached the low end of the cis female range (which is healthier than where I was

I’m about 6 years post bottom surgery, and it’s been good and bad.

I had issues with scarring for the first 12 months that made for a really difficult time dilating, and also meant that I wasn’t able to have sexual interactions the way I was hoping to have them. I battled with that for a while, then covid came along, my mental health took a dive, and I stopped dilating.

Now, I’m effectively “zero depth”.

And that all sounds bad right? But it’s not. My dysphoria is gone. Clothes fit me the way they’re meant to. I feel comfortable naked. I am comfortable in my skin in a way I couldn’t be before bottom surgery. And sure, I can’t have sex the way I want, but that was already true before I had bottom surgery, so even though I didn’t get everything I hoped for, I am still way better off than I was before my bottom surgery.

Can you orgasm?

Yep!

Any unique hygiene issues?

Not really. Nothing comes to mind

What are some non-obvious post-surgery things that only become apparent when everything settles back into a routine?

Farts that roll up the front are a whole different experience :P

But more seriously, I don’t really remember what “before” was like anymore. It’s just normal life these days.

Yeah, that’s me too, and laser was super effective on me

If you’re having jaw work done like I did, eating anything solid will be impossible for a dew days. I ate a lot of yoghurt for the first 3 days and not much else. But basically, anything that you don’t have to chew.

After that, I was able to move on to soft foods that needed a bit of chewing. At that point, it’s pretty much anything you like, as long as it’s not going to require lots of jaw strength.

Anything you’re curious about or anxious about. The meeting isn’t long, or particularly in-depth, and most things can be answered by talking to other folk in the community.

What the meeting is really about is helping you address any concerns or questions you couldn’t find answers to. If you don’t have any of them, then there are no “must ask” questions.

And if you’re curious about FFS from someone who has been through it, I’m happy to answer questions too :)

I should start it in a few weeks because it is strongly correlated with mood improvement

It had the opposite effect on me. So it can be a bit of a roll of the dice…

Absolutely worth rolling them though :)

The good news is, that hair type is the type that laser is most effective on, so you’ll need less of it compared to folk with lighter hair

I don’t know how far along your journey you are, but I can tell you for me at least, at some point, the old photos stopped having any sort of emotional impact on me.

Download the photos and save them somewhere, and then delete them from facebook. That way, they aren’t there for the world to see, but if you ever need or simply want to go and look back the memories, you’ll still have the option.

Deleting them isn’t a great move, because even if you never truly feel comfortable looking at them, I guarantee you that as time goes by, they’ll impact you less, and at some point, the positive memories they contain will outweigh whatever is left of the discomfort.

I got bottom surgery 11 months after starting hrt, and that required me to start the paperwork process 4 or so months in to things. If you need it you need it. There’s no such thing as too soon.

Certainly am :)

Your submission in “TERFs taking their gloves off for Imane Khelif” was removed for Transphobia.

Your submission in “TERFs taking their gloves off for Imane Khelif” was removed for Transphobia.

Inclusive? World Rugby is famously transphobic and exclusionary when it comes to women’s rugby…

I’m AMAB, and present as male, at least on the surface. I’ve always felt that was wrong though

Then you’re trans enough. It’s literally that simple.

Are you binary? Are you a woman? What is your sexuality? What is the right label to use for your experiences? Only you can answer that, and it will take time. And the answers will likely change over time as you explore what you want and unpack a lot of the baggage that comes with growing up in a transphobic world.

But it doesn’t matter what the answers to any of those things are. It doesn’t matter who you’re attracted to. If cis isn’t comfortable for you, then you’re as trans as it gets :)

Not at all. It never occurred to me that this guy killed a leopard with his bare hands. I assumed he was a poacher or hunter, and something had gone badly wrong on his hunt.

You had a brief period of time where you had strong blahaj vibes ;)