Ada

Pass. No comment

Pass. No comment.

I mean, I don’t drive :p

I like semi random. Which is to say, I love the random elements being talked about in the blog post, but I prefer to have some control over my narrative and story. I’m happy to take random stats, random class, random equipment etc, but I like to shape theb personality and history of character behind all of that, the stuff that glues the numbers together. Even that doesn’t need to be complete control. As long as I’m not just playing someone else’s out of the box character, I’m happy

I use an estrogen implant that lasts about 12 months. When it’s coming to an end, I start to get moody and irritable.

But I started HRT long enough ago that the euphoria side of it is long gone. Now it’s just normal

I had one of those friends too. I had no idea, until I came out, and then they started asking a lot of vague questions, and even talked about having experiences similar to when I talked about my experience with dysphoria. But then one day, they blocked me everywhere and cut me off.

I’m guessing because they decided that they can’t come out in their life, and didn’t want me being a reminder to them… But I don’t know if that was why, because they just dropped me without any communication.

and I would feel validation as a woman by dating a straight man, I still wouldn’t do that (even if I were single).

I expected the same, but I felt the opposite when I was dating my last boyfriend. When people saw us, they didn’t see our queerness. And I absolutely hated that loss of queerness. I had spent a lifetime repressing it, then even after I came out, it still took me time to accept my own queerness. Eventually, I did, and I found power and joy in it. Then I started dating this guy, and just like that, it was invisible to pretty much everyone. It felt like stepping out of one closet and in to another. The second closet was more comfortable than the first, but it was still a closet, and I didn’t want to be in it.

It’s not quite as simple as “It’s repression”. That’s no more universally true than “hormones did it”

Yeah, it’s possible that your orientation might “change”. People that do experience a change typically experience an expansion in the people they’re attracted to, rather than a shift in a different direction. That being said, some people have experienced a shift in orientation, rather than an expansion, but it’s very uncommon. And even when it does happen, you don’t magically fall out of love with your partner

Now, the caveats. It’s not simply hormones. Hormones could play a part, but self perception, self confidence and shedding of denial are also things at play. So you almost certainly won’t find your orientation shifts just because you start taking HRT.

My own personal experience? My orientation “shifted”, but also, not really… I’d spent my life dating women, but my attraction to them was always different to other folk. On the other hand, I had never experienced attraction to men, nor do I really have any memories of moments of clear denial of attraction to men. So I don’t know whether my own experience was one of coming out of denial, or genuine change.

I’m still mostly sexually attracted to men, but I can be romantically attracted to anyone, and honestly, I value romantic attraction far more than I value sexual attraction, so I have mostly still dated women since I transitioned. My one time dating a guy, I felt like I had stepped out of one closet in transitioning, only to step in to another one when my queerness became invisible to people.

My relationships with women aren’t very sexual (they never have been), but they’re very intimate (they always have been), and that part hasn’t changed with my transition, but my own understanding of my personal experience has shifted.

Whenever your dose changes, and a few months after you’ve been on a particular dose.

There’s no “right” level, but there are quite a few doctors out there who under prescribe, so basically (for you, not the doctor) it’s just to give you peace of mind.

Honestly, you don’t do much of anything except wait when it comes to the results of HRT. You want to keep an eye on your levels and make sure your doctor isn’t giving you too low a level, but otherwise, it’s just a case of wait and see.

HRT will cause new fat you lay down to lay down in different areas. But it takes time for everything to adjust and you might be able to nudge it here and there, but basically, it takes as long as it takes.

I’m about 8 years in myself, and not much is changing these days (well, except for aging). But things were changing until around 5 or 6 years in.

But, there’s lots you can do that isn’t just waiting for HRT. These days, I pretty much don’t do much of anything special in terms of getting dressed up and super fem, but my first couple of years were pretty much constant experimenting. I got a lot of good results from learning how to do basic makeup. I had no idea what my style was, so I just fucked around and found out (in a good way). That’s what you need to do :)

I’ve never been in love with nail polish. I’ve had my nails done twice since I transitioned nearly a decade ago. I don’t love makeup either. I basically stopped wearing it around 5 years ago. I also don’t have my ears pierced.

I’m still here, still doing fine, still being me.

You’ll be ok :)

I had bottom surgery a couple of years before covid. FFS was the last real “goal” I had, and I had that done in December 2019, so I had returned home from Argentina and just got through the worst part of my recovery when the first lockdowns started happening

That happened to me, right when covid hit. I had ticked all the medical and social transition boxes I wanted to do, and now, it was time to work out what my new normal is. And then covid came along and erased the idea of “normal”. They were a rough few years

Prostate cancer risks are vastly diminished for trans women who maintain low testosterone levels, over a twofold decrease

And in cisgender men, HRT is the go to method of controlling growth of the cancer in cases where surgical intervention is not needed and/or ruled out.

Looking at the cancer Australia website, prostate cancer is the second most common, and they say that a cisgender man has a 1 in 53 chance of dying to prostate cancer by the time they’re 85.

On top of that, it has a 95% 5 year survival rate.

All of which is to say, I’m happy to roll the dice on this one, rather than dealing with frankly awful experience of a prostate exam

I was in a similar position to you. Painful dilation, lost depth and single. And then covid hit. And I just stopped dilating.

It’s years later now, and sometimes, I feel a bit of regret. Yet when I think about going for another round of surgery to get my depth back, the idea of having to start dilating again feels really forbidding.

Ultimately, I haven’t been able to have the sex life that I was hoping for. But that was true before I had bottom surgery as well. And when I look at it that way, despite that issue, the other results of bottom surgery are still there. I feel better in my skin. My dysphoria is gone. Even if the outcome wasn’t perfect, and wasn’t quite what I hoped for, it’s still better than where I started.

All of which to say is, even if you do stop dilating, at least in my experience, it’s not all doom and gloom.

I don’t have any advice for you, other than to say you’re not alone. Like you, I transitioned nearly 10 years ago, got the surgeries I needed out of the way. I’ve been a runner the whole length of my journey, and I don’t really “fem up” much at all. Also, like you, I did all the things. I volunteered, I went to trans events and pride etc, I took up roller derby, and made lots of friends. And then covid came along, and then facebook banned my account, and suddenly, I was without the social connections I was used to having, and most of those friendships faded away.

These days, other than online spaces, my only regular queer and trans connections are my partner and the odd catchup with people that I used to see regularly, before covid changed everything.

But, it’s ok. I still volunteer (though less than I used to). I’m the event director for my local parkrun, which is a pretty amazing community. I’ve been parkrunning for nearly 10 years, and even though I’m not close friends with any of the folk I’ve met there, it still makes me happy to see the same faces every Saturday, and to share our habit and our passion for getting out of a Saturday morning!

My life is less social than it used to be (and I’m an extrovert), and I’ve got less queer folk in my life on the regular than I would like, but I’m happy and I’m doing ok.

I won’t pretend to have any answers for you, or tell you how to magically solve loneliness, but hopefully, there’s something in knowing that you’re not alone

It’s a factor, but not the whole story. Social norms also influence things a whole lot.

I came out at 41, and that was close to 10 years ago!

Age won’t stop you :)

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