I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn’t say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it’s healed for over a month and it hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten worse! I feel like I’m broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn’t fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.
Don’t tell me that I don’t regret it and that regret is rare. This isn’t the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don’t regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.
I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I’ll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.
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Sorry, but this is simply wrong. There is a whole section of the community that does exactly that. They are known as transmedicalists. They believe that you have to have dysphoria to be trans, and that you have to badly want GRS, and do everything you can to attain it.
For many many years, fitting this description was the only way to access medical care, as popularised by the Benjamin Standards of care. And whilst many countries have moved away from this, many have not. There are many trans communities and sub communities that absolutely judge trans people who don’t need or want GRS, because they’re perpetuating the transphobic gatekeeping that they’ve internalised in to their own self image.
Which is to say, a key part of your suspicion is based on your own lack of exposure to harmful parts of the community, and there is a non zero chance that you’re being needlessly cruel to someone expressing their pain and vulnerability.
Yes, it’s suspicious that someone with a brand new account appears out of nowhere, and expresses pain and distress at an experience that is uncommon in trans spaces, yet is also perceived as common by transphobes.
But unless you know for certain that you aren’t hurting a genuine member of the community with your words, I’m going to ask that you refrain from engaging further.
I made another comment after yours because it took a while to draft and so I posted it before I saw this. I’ve aired my concerns and accounted for transmedicalists in them, I am fine stepping away now.
This is a really, really bad take and it’s very cruel, I completely understand why you’d be suspicious, but I think even with those suspicions, you should be erring on the side of caution, on the chance you are wrong, you may have pushed a transgender person closer to suicide by invalidating their experiences.
There is a good deal of transmedicalism out there, and I don’t see many signs of OP being a troll at all, they seem like someone nearing the end of their rope to me.
I understand the concern. I came off harsher than I intended but I do feel fairly strongly that the poster is not who they claim to be and is not posting in good faith. The details, language, and content don’t line up with someone who was heavily influenced by transmedicalists either. There is the possibility of details and information that would change my mind but that’s where it stands right now. I would need to see the points I brought up addressed.
I don’t want to ostracize someone struggling from the community but I don’t want to simply ignore astroturfing / astroterfing either. People do try to poison the trans community or others perceptions of trans people sometimes, we are unfortunately a fairly controversial topic right now. I’ve seen too many instances of transphobes making their own social media posts posing as people who regret something in transition in order to then screenshot it and share it in their own circles, for example. In my best judgment, I think this post is far enough past suspicious that I’m willing to state my concerns matter-of-factly.
I encourage others to upvote or downvote me accordingly with whether they think my take is good, bad, the post is real, fake, etc. if people disagree with me and OP is indeed genuine, then at the very least a negative score would make it easier for them to ignore my take.
Screw you! if I wanted to have people dismiss my experiences and validity I would go back to the transphobes on Reddit!
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I’ve seen comments/posts from stealth trans people talking about keeping it a secret. There was a post recently on one of the comms where they mentioned their hookup partner said her cervix felt weird (because she doesn’t have one). I’ve certainly gotten the idea that such is achievable for some people. My impression is also that snip-snip memes are also far more common than memes celebrating the rejection of bottom surgery. There certainly can be an implied peer pressure, even when people are just talking about their own personal experiences and not implying some universal truth. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome is really common and could lead to overcompensation (such as seen in transfems who have a hyperfeminine phrase right after cracking and transfems who go through a hypermasculine phase right before cracking).
I’ve never tried taking any of the steps towards getting surgery, but is it really that impossible that Martha didn’t at least mostly believe she wanted it during the lead-up? Honestly, I hope they’re not as bad as you make it sound. Surgery is scary regardless of what kind, so there’s no way I’d ever not express some level of doubt for that reason alone. Also feel like I’d be so embarrassed about the topic that it would be difficult to convey a sense of confidence that its something I wanted.
NSFW?
Jackoff is generally specifically used for something you do with a penis. Jilling would be the equivalent for a vagina. Also, if you don’t have your penis or balls, you can’t touch them. I think you’re misunderstanding what was said there. The idea that they’re equivalent seems absurd; part of the reason I’d want bottom surgery is because I want to change how I interact with the hardware sexually instead instead of trying to split the fantasy apart from the physical actions. That said, perhaps having fantasies that don’t match the hardware is something Martha could work on?