It finally happened. I lost so much weight that my tungsten-carbide wedding band doesn’t fit anymore. It’s definitely a ‘masculine’ design and felt like a good idea at the time. But since that material can’t be resized and all the add-on sizing options are still too big, I’m at a loss for what to do. My spouse and I are still absolutely happily married and intend to remain that way. If anything, I think we’ve grown closer since I came out! I don’t want to simply discard something that means so much to us both. I was hoping to hold out on buying a new one until my transition got to a point to renew our vows with my new name (and in a gorgeous dress!) but I’m curious if anyone else has been through this before? I was considering a necklace to hold onto it until then. I was about to type that I didn’t want others to get the wrong impression about us (me with no ring, my spouse with the engagement ring and the band) out together but then I realized we’re likely going to get awkward looks for a while anyway.
So, what do others think? What have you done if you’ve reached this point? Am I overthinking this?
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keep the ring and wear it on a necklace? bonus points if it’s a choker and just a little tight.
obviously not for everyone, but it’s an idea.
also also, congrats on your lasting relationship and good luck with your transition!
Thanks! I’m going to need to work hard on this.
A necklace is a cost-effective, quick and practical solution.
If you can afford it, you can pay a jeweler to re-size the ring for you, but you’ll be paying for labor, so it might be expensive. Getting a new ring with your spouse’s blessing might be more cost-effective, depending on what the ring is made of.
Tungsten rings are too brittle to resize, but I do like the necklace idea
I keep an old ring, that doesn’t fit, in a box. I got a silicone ring and honestly prefer it to my titanium ring. If I gain or lose weight, or get arthritis or something, the ring is a little more adaptable.
Plus, you can get silicone in lots of colors, so I like it for the fact that you can accessorize more easily!
Can’t comment on that specifically but fwiw i wore just a plain silicone ring during our engagement. You can get them in various widths to make them more or less masculine. They are typically a fraction the cost of your tungsten ring.
Might be worth looking into if you still want a ring of some kind on your finger for now. Just search “silicon ring for her” in Amazon for some ideas.
I do like the necklace idea too though
You and Telorand both suggesting silicone sent me looking. It might be worth grabbing a “his and hers” set so I also have something to wear for now in boymode. I still haven’t told anyone but my spouse that I know in person so I need to stay under the radar while the hormones do their thing. This might not be a terrible idea. Thanks!
You’re not overthinking, as it obviously means something to you if you’re concerned about it. But in the end it’s about what it means to you two, and that’s it. Perhaps realizing that will downplay what you end up doing, or help you find a solution that works. Others have given some ideas to retain some show of connection, so there’s answers out there if that’s what you need.
For what it’s worth, as a straight couple married for 35 years, I’ve worn my ring for almost all of that time. She stopped wearing hers years ago when it became annoying (probably for a similar reason as you, fitting well). In the past years through age my fingers changed in size and my ring had been there so long it has literally created a small groove it sat in. I could not take it off using any of the methods I found. It didn’t bother me, but looking at it it was a concern, mostly to her as she envisioned a degloving incident at work (which is certain a problem even for rings that fit). Finally not too long ago I decided to go ahead and get it cut off (10 secs at a jeweler, no charge). I could expand it and wear it more, but it’s not a huge deal to either of us and would cost money to…do what? Its absence on my finger (and hers all these years) means nothing to us. I will say it’s been enough time where my finger has recovered and I can barely see where it was.
So…the rings and any other embellishments are symbolic between you two, and can mean as much or as little as you want it to.
This is actually really sweet it in a way. I’m glad to know that others are comfortable just being outside of a “norm”. We’ve been together over 20 years and I’ve had the same ring the whole time, but I preferred to remove it while working. In my line of work, I had the same fears about degloving or electrocution. It’s gone the opposite direction for me though, in that it’s now so large even the silicone wraparound sizers aren’t big enough. I’ll take your suggestions into consideration, though. I’ve always loved plants, and there is a Polynesian cultural practice of wearing flowers like a plumeria on one side of the hair to indicate marital status. Not as practical in the winter, but it’s still something I think I’d enjoy.
Pre-transition, I just wore cheap silicone rings because they were pragmatic.
As soon as my egg cracked, before I was passing or on HRT, my partner put a ring on my finger and had it resized to fit my fingers. Around 8 months-ish on HRT had to get it resized again when my fingers became slimmer.
Honestly, I think it’s mostly a matter of money, your gender presentation, and how much this matters to you and your partner.
I was fortunate that my spouse already had a ring on hand, I was already socially transitioned and presenting as fem full time, and I was fortunate enough to be able to afford the resizing - so it all worked out for me.
If I hadn’t fully socially transitioned, I might have only worn the ring in certain situations.
If I didn’t have the money, I might have waited and saved up money for just one resizing.
If we didn’t already have a ring, we might have waited and saved up for a ring.
It’s up to you and your circumstances, though - there is no one way to handle this. 😊
My wedding band (men’s) is white gold but painfully plain. My wife and I agreed we would just trade it in (I’ve no real attachment to it). We are going to go get matching bands with our birthstones (turquoise and opal). I’m looking for something in solid silver, intricate with natural elements, possibly elvish.
As a lost lemming stumbling over this post, I wonder if it would work as a circle in the center of a necklace? I wore mine on a necklace when they stopped fitting on my finger, and I made a pretty chain to attach them too.
