I’ve been on HRT for about 6 weeks now and I’m pretty sure I’m at female levels. Got a late start at 29 and I still strongly doubt that I’m even trans and should be doing this (seriously, my story is a weird one I think). I would quite welcome being cis because that would mean I don’t have to upend my life and essentially start over under 10x more difficult conditions. I considered myself agender for a long time and maybe I am.
Before HRT I considered myself very much vers. I do understand that severe bottom dysphoria is not needed to be trans, and I intended to do maintenance to retain my ability to top. Now that I’m actually into it, my feelings have changed.
I’ve read that a full erection once a day is needed to reliably retain full function, but that sounds quite unpleasant to me now? I just don’t want to do it, and I don’t really care if I never use my genitals to top again. I’m also finding myself more welcoming to the idea of SRS.
- Is it due to the nature of HRT and changing sex drive? I mean, duh, estrogen
- Is it due to repression breaking? Was I masking dysphoria before?
- Is it because I have read and internalized that this is how I should feel, in some people’s opinion, and I am conforming to that?
I don’t think it’s really the last one - I also understand I have more sexual/dating prospects if I’m vers, and I think I kinda care about that more than some fringe viewpoints about validity
For me, I never really enjoyed bottoming, mostly because I don’t get much pleasure from prostate stimulation. But overall I consider myself vers/switch from an overall perspective.
I also might be an odd case because I’m agender but physically had dysphoria around having a penis as well as social dysphoria around having to mask as male. I’m still not overly femme, but I feel like it’s easier to publicly mask femme than masc due to some toxic traits I don’t enjoy emulating or having to listen to like talking about women as sex objects. Though masking femme has it’s own issues. Also, I have since had bottom surgery and I do miss penetrating with a penis sometimes, but it’s still possible to “top” using toys, strapons, oral, etc., and that works fine for me.
As for erections, as I was on HRT for longer and longer, the erection and orgasm changed, but it took time. Erections become more fluctuating just like a cis-woman’s clit erections or natural lubrication. More stimulation is required anf being careful not to overstimulate is necessary. Erections still happen when needed, it’s just that it doesn’t need to stay that way the entire session and trying to keep it that way will just result in frustration from overstimulation and the arousal troughs and then not being able to get one when you’re ready for using it. This can make topping a challenge in some cases with partners not used to trans-people, so partners have to be understanding that having or not having an erection is not a 100% indicator of arousal like it is for cis-men. Instead, communication and foreplay is required more. Again, very similar to cis-women.
On the plus side, orgasms also change for the better, IMHO. They require a little longer to build and achieve, but last a lot longer and eventually you can have more than one after only a short rest rather than needing a longer period for things to build back up.
As a very broad statement, I feel like testosterone builds the libido outside of sexual encounters until you are about to burst and then it takes very little to trigger a short, intense orgasm. Estrogen builds libido very little and usually doesn’t get to a point where you are so extremely anxious that you will do anything for an orgasm, but during stimulation, it then needs to build more in order to get to that orgasm state and because of that, it’s a less sharp, instant orgasm, but it peaks and stays there as long as you’re still receiving stimulation. That is way more pleasurable to me.
I explained it to someone recently that liked it said this way, but testosterone drives with anxiety for an orgasm. Estrogen drives with desire for stimulation. So it’s a need vs desire kind of thing. Of course, it’s not a binary thing, everyone has a balance of both whether naturally or through HRT, not 100% one or the other. Finding the right balance with HRT levels is what you have to figure out over time. And if you have an orchiectomy or vaginoplasty/vulvoplasty that will change things as well and require rebalancing. Some people go light on the HRT and some go heavier.
Having a good doctor that understands and and analyzes the changes rather than following sometimes outdated guidance is really helpful. My first doctor was really good, but she moved on and now my doctor isn’t that experienced, but I have enough experience with my own body, and she listens to my experiences, so it works fine. For example, I never started anti-androgens and never needed them to reduce my testosterone, so that reduced side effects. I never would have tried that without my first doctor’s experience, and it doesn’t work for everyone, but once you start anti-androgens, you usually have to stick with them until surgery. And later I found that I wasn’t having enough effect from the 200-ish pg/ml peaks of estrogen levels and found research from Mayo clinic and others that said that was out of date due to old estrogen HRT that risked cancer at higher levels. Really, 300-400 pg/ml peaks is more effective and once I gave that data to my current doctor, we have been following that ever since, with more success.