I didn’t realize how pretty the sky was until I started HRT. Looked it up and apparently perception of blue is especially sensitive to hormones

Thanks for the response! I agree with your first paragraph - I’m not trying to find an identity, I’m not trying to figure out pronouns, I’m trying to figure out hormones and surgeries. That’s it.

The choice I’m facing is to continue with an extremely difficult transition and maybe emerge much happier on the other end (and maybe not emerge at all), or continue doing whatever I’ve been doing for the past 10 years which apparently evaporated while I wasn’t paying attention.

I imagine there must be comfort in knowing “I am a woman, I must transition” or “I am a man, I must not”. I don’t have that, I’m just lost. Starting therapy tomorrow to hopefully work on that