But I almost didn’t do it. We were having a lot of fun and I felt like I would be ruining the vibe. But when I was sitting there feeling like the moments in front of me were slipping into the void, I felt like there was a choice between uncomfortable familiarity or a chance to make myself a reality.

I asked for some time. They gave me it. There was crying, stuttering, stalling, and lots of silence. I finally came out to my 2 best friends. Lots of hugs and talking, mostly about how hopeless I felt before I figured it all out. They really listened and responded. I’d never done something like that before so it all felt like a dream. But I know this is real, I can’t take it back, but I don’t want to. I finally feel like I’m not lying about myself to some of the people I love the most over and over again. Not just about who I am but how I feel.

When it was time to go one of my friends used my new name that I told them about. I thought it would feel weird because I’d only ever read it on my personal devices, but hearing it out loud felt natural in a way… better…

This is going to take a long time and it’s going to be difficult. But I’ve done difficult before. One step at a time…