I just read this article about beauty standards and while I see the excess of it as harmful I can’t help but feel hypocritical when I think about laser or hormones or even putting on eye shadow and mascara, not to mention FFS.
Every time I read a piece on self-acceptance and body-positivity I stop and ask myself - why can’t I be happy with my body? For me the dysphoria is mostly social but even then - why can’t I just accept my AGAB and live with it? How is changing my body to fit opposing gender norms (so I pass etc) different to gender-affirming procedures for one’s AGAB?
Both require the same underlying systems - and my face laser wouldn’t be attainable without the massive beauty industry making it affordable by virtue of many cis women using the service.
Similar with hormones. If most postmenopausal women didn’t get E prescribed, then it would be prohibitaly expensive (I guess this is a weaker point since hormones are beneficial for health reasons not just beauty) but still my use case is mostly aesthetical (to pass) so that feels even less justified.
It feels as if my transition is only possible because it’s either subsidised by an industry I see as harmful or via methods not intended for their initial purpose.
Anyone else struggle with any of this?
What you’re actually struggling with is a lifetime of internalised transphobia. Transphobia that has you believing that being trans is a bad thing. And that lens shapes thoughts like these.
For every negative example you provide there, there is a positive version. When you consider transition as a form of self love and self care, all of the things you are talking about become acts of self care. When you frame it as purely about aesthetics, you perceive it as shallow and harmful, and in turn, the act of transition becomes one of selfishness.
The thing is though, self acceptance and transition is an act of self care and self love, that improves not only your life, but the lives of the people that love you and interact with you. The trick here is giving yourself permission to be open to that possibility.
You can’t reason yourself out of internalised transphobia. You won’t find a mental “gotcha” that lets you undo a lifetime of negative thoughts in a moment. What you can do though is recognise that you’re carrying a lifetime of negative propoganda, and recognise these thoughts as being part of that. It doesn’t make them go away, but it does take away some of their power, and gives you the space to find a healthier perspective.