Since the start of puberty I shut myself in my room, mostly only to come out for school/work and for visiting my father every second weekend because my parents are divorced.

A bit over two years ago I realized I was trans, but I could still live like that, being in my room most of the time. After starting HRT I began to feel lonely and feeling the need for friends, which I didn’t feel before.

Now, at around three months after starting HRT I feel like I die if I continue to not have any social contacts and already harmed myself because of the loneliness. At least everyone who knows me is supportive and I managed to talk to my mother that we do more together like walking, but it didn’t really help with the loneliness.

I have no idea how to make friends. I don’t talk much, partly because I hate my voice, but also because it is difficult for me to find words and things to talk about and I can’t say anything when I am in a group of more than a few people.

I don’t really expect helpful advice here but anything would be appreciated. I mostly just wanted to write that all down.

  • 🍉 Albert 🍉@lemmy.worldEnglish
    8·
    6 days ago

    Hi,

    full disclosure, am cis middle aged man. IE another internet dad. maybe we should all get in contact and have a Kiara dad’s BBQ before it get’s cold.

    However I did spend quite a lot of my life feeling isolated, sh, and suicidal. So while I cannot relate to your transness, I do feel most of what you said.

    the whole “it get’s better” is BS, it only get’s better if you manage to change, even a bit. every bit counts. Friends wise, I am sure every person who will reply here is open for you to chat whenever you please (DM’s open, but I am assuming you would much rather chat with a peer your age). I know “offering advice” to people in trouble is some neurotypical sin but that is BS as well and you explicitly asked for advice.

    something that really helps is to find IRL communities. I do not mean go to school, or church (unless that is your thing), try to find communities that do things you want to do with what you like. and meeting in person does make a huge difference.

    Have an interest in something specific? look for local groups that do that. The current state of affairs is putting you down (i mean, look around), check out local civil rights groups, grassroots political parties (joining a local socialist group has really helped me), clubs. Want to do a specific sport even though you are terrible at it, join a club, they love newcomers.

    Also, keep in mind first meeting will be awkward, second as well, third maybe. just keep going until you skip the “new girl” faze. (but also keep an eye to red flags, maybe they are the ones who suck).

    • Kiara 🌸 (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      3·
      6 days ago

      I was part of a local lgbt group that met regularly, but that group got its own problems, so meet ups only happen very seldom now. I’m thinking of joining the left party (Die Linke).

      I did athletics like running and long jumping years ago and would like to start again, but clubs are mostly about competitions and I don’t like to be in competitions.

  • gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    4·
    6 days ago

    Also btw we have a matrix chat group at #196-blahaj:catgirl.cloud and you could join :) we talk about lots of stuff, whatever interests us. i’m from austria btw so if you live close to vienna we could also meet up some time.

  • Squished Fly (she/they)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    6 days ago

    Idk how your situation is but my siblings helped a lot with it. I felt like I was able to talk way more about my issues with them in comparison to my parents.

    Just stuff like asking my brother if I can just hang out in his room when I felt lime shit and just being there, sitting somewhere and just not being that alone. Either staring into my phone or into nothingness

    • Kiara 🌸 (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      2·
      6 days ago

      My younger brothers are less than half my age, so I can’t really talk with them and my older sister already moved out. I’m already being more in the living room than in my room

  • Grawlix@leminal.spaceEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago

    Your f𝖾𝖾lings ar𝖾 valid. F𝖾𝖾ling lon𝖾ly is truly painful.

    1. L𝖾arn to b𝖾 cont𝖾nt wh𝖾n alon𝖾.
      B𝖾ing lon𝖾ly and b𝖾ing alon𝖾 ar𝖾 not th𝖾 sam𝖾 thing. You’v𝖾 sp𝖾nt quit𝖾 a bit a tim𝖾 in your room alr𝖾ady in the last f𝖾w y𝖾ars - p𝖾rhaps r𝖾fl𝖾ct on this tim𝖾. You choos𝖾 how long your alon𝖾 tim𝖾 is.

    2. Improv𝖾 your s𝖾lf-confid𝖾nc𝖾.
      B𝖾ing surround𝖾d by p𝖾opl𝖾 and b𝖾ing sociabl𝖾 with aquaintanc𝖾s do𝖾sn’t prot𝖾ct p𝖾opl𝖾 from f𝖾𝖾ling lon𝖾ly. This m𝖾ans if you plac𝖾 yours𝖾lf in a crowd, your lon𝖾lin𝖾ss f𝖾𝖾lings may still b𝖾 pr𝖾s𝖾nt.
      To combat this, you shouldn’t b𝖾 worri𝖾d about saying the wrong thing wh𝖾n you speak in a group. If you mak𝖾 a mistak𝖾, forgiv𝖾 yours𝖾lf.
      Validat𝖾 your own str𝖾ngths (“I am b𝖾autiful, I am smart, I am kind,” 𝖾tc), and validat𝖾 yours𝖾lf fr𝖾qu𝖾ntly.

    3. S𝖾𝖾k out a f𝖾w clos𝖾 fri𝖾ndships.
      You’r𝖾 going through a wond𝖾rful and 𝖾xciting tim𝖾 in your lif𝖾, probably a hard transition, but 𝖾xciting. Share it. I’m happy for you.
      Making fri𝖾nds is hard. Say h𝖾llo to strang𝖾rs. Risk b𝖾ing op𝖾n and vuln𝖾rabl𝖾 again. Hav𝖾 2 minut𝖾 conv𝖾rsations with peopl𝖾 you’ll n𝖾v𝖾r m𝖾𝖾t again.

    Non𝖾 of this is going to b𝖾 𝖾asy, but you hav𝖾 support. You say 𝖾veryon𝖾 who knows you is supportiv𝖾 - l𝖾an on th𝖾m. And us l𝖾mmings will b𝖾 h𝖾r𝖾 if you’d lik𝖾.

    Edit: Lov𝖾 & support from non-LGBT l𝖾mming.

  • gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago

    I’m not sure what could help you. I have found friends in a weekly meetup where we talk about politics, the weather, and anything that interests us. It’s called “young socialists” and yeah … it’s pretty cool :)

    Though idk what would help you or whether that exists where you live.