I posted this in the wrong meme community. Reposting here.

I’m AMAB who has always felt a little uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m decently comfortable occupying my body, but I do wish it was easier/more acceptable to transition. I had a dream last night that I was at a doctor’s office and I was starting HRT. It has put me in a funk all day.

To be honest, I consider myself fluid enough to continue identifying as a man to anyone but myself. I just wish I could live two lives. Or go back and make the decision to transition when I was younger. I am a stereotypical guy: hairier than not, chubbier than not, deep brow, gnarled hands, etc. I don’t really think I could ever feel truly “woman enough” to feel comfortable trying out the other side of the gender spectrum. I’ve tried growing my hair, piercing my ears, and wearing a teeny bit of eye liner, but it just never looked right on me. I just looked a bit weird.

I’m venting here to hopefully deal with the funky vibes my dream gave me. I’ve never been this open with any audience: virtual or physical. So, apologies if this is coming off a bit transphobic in any way.

  • Captain Janeway@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    4·
    2 days ago

    There are a lot of reasons I feel like I can’t. For one, my wife is likely not going to be happy with me doing anything drastic like HRT. I have a wonderful, lefty, smart, wife who would be understanding. But I don’t want to upset the balance of our relationship. I came out as bi to her and that wasn’t an issue since we’re monogamous. I’m quite certain (based on past conversations we’ve had with each other) that if I made myself more “womanly” she would be less attracted to me. And my wife/family is the most important thing in my life.

    I just can’t imagine doing all of it. If I was alone and single, I might consider therapy, transitioning, and then HRT. But I think the dysphoria is manageable since I’m not struggling majorly. I do worry that in 30 more years I’ll regret it, but I also worry that I’d regret doing it because maybe it’ll fade away.

      • Captain Janeway@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        5·
        2 days ago

        I’d feel awful. But - to my credit - I have explored these concepts with her. We are quite open with each other. When I came out as bi to her, I point blank asked her if she’d consider dating/sleeping with a woman and she was pretty adamant that there was no circumstance in which she would. Because I feel only mild dysphoria, I don’t feel like I’m hiding from her entirely. Maybe you’re right though. I might broach the subject to her more casually. I should at least be honest about how I feel - even if I don’t necessarily intend on acting on my feelings. I guess I’ve always felt like talking to her about it would be me “coming out”, but I suppose I can frame it more honestly: as a mild dysphoria I occasionally feel, but don’t need to upend our lives to explore. I’m speaking off the cuff here so I hope I’m making sense.