So, I started estradiol enanthate about a week ago and while I realise I still have a tonne of testosterone in my body, the estrogen should be at a therapeutic level by now. I’m calm and haven’t been angry for days. I’ve started being productive (well more productive at least). So from the very earliest indicators, it seems to be going well (obviously I’ll know more in a few weeks). This, however raises a number of challenges.
Firstly how am I going to tackle the family stuff? I know my kids would be supportive (and my partner as much as she’s able), but my parents are pretty transphobic. There’s also my children’s classmates and their families. About half the kids in her class throw around racist slurs like it’s no big deal, so I’m certain they’d give her a hard time if I visibly transition. I don’t mind lumberjackmoding for a while, but I’m eventually going to look like a woman with a beard.
Secondly, what to do about documentation. I know I can’t change my gender on my passport (terf island), but as a foreigner I need to have it.
Third, there’s the actual nuts and bolts of transition such as voice training. I get frequent throat infections that leave me unable to say anything for months at a time. Not to mention my family is used to my voice and seems to like it. But again if I’m going to hot-mom-mode in the future, I’m going to need a feminine voice.
Fourth, what about my name? I haven’t put nearly as much thought into it as I perhaps should have. K know im not going to change it officially until my parents expire (they are not good people but they are old enough that starting conflict with them won’t help), but at some point I’m probably going to want to. So how do I pick? It seems weird to choose my own name. It’s not like I picked my ‘on life support name’.
Also what to actually do with the facial hair? It’s going to be largely necessary for groundskeeper-Willy-moding but I can’t shave because my hair is too curly and it causes horrific razor burn. So it’ll need to be IPL/ Lasered off but that would need to be sooner rather than later because I’m at that age where it’s going to go grey and at that point light based removal won’t work.
Suggestions?
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First point- are you doing monotherapy or are you also on an anti-angrogen? Taking something like spiro will help suppress testosterone which will help your body with its feminization. Does your provider require blood work to test your levels? I have to get blood work done ever 6 months to make sure I’m in the right place (actually had to up my initial dose as my estrogen levels suddenly crashed a year in)
The family dynamic will very much depend on overall safety. I’m not a parent and not interested in being one, so my opinion is coming from a different place. You are your own person, and I’d honestly put distance between my mom and I if she was unsupportive. I wouldn’t allow her to be in my life and risk my children being exposed to her views. As for other children… you can’t control them, but you can be a guide to your children on how to handle disgusting behavior and language. I think that’s part of being a parent. I think it’s important for your children to see it’s okay to be the person they want to be. Constantly swapping on them might create a feeling that they need to constantly mask to fit in.
Documentation will depend on your location. I would suggest seeing if there’s local lgbtq resource or support centers that may information for your particular country/area. There will have been others who have transitioned and been through the process.
Voice training takes time🩷 I realized early on that listening to women in the real world (not online or content) allowed me to be more comfortable with my voice. I would focus more on inflection, intonation, and tilt. Here’s a guide that helped me understand what makes up a voice and what I could work on that wasn’t just focusing on pitch. https://www.undeadvoice.com/guide. They also have a free class which is a great place to start!
Name- it was suggested in another thread to not be shy about trying out different ones! You don’t need to settle on one immediately. You can be honest that you’re seeing what feels right. See how you feel introducing and being addressed with different names. I’m sure you’ll find one that feels like you 🩷
Facial hair- laser or electrolysis. IPL is not going to be effective, will take forever to work (if it does), and carries certain risks when being used on faces like ours. I went the laser route and am happy with my results. I have and grays on my chin that I might eventually get removed through electrolysis. Trimming/shaving grays doesn’t lead to shadow for me, so I’m not too bothered by them. I might also get any stray hairs that eventually start growing in handled with electrolysis.
As far as razer burn - how’s your skincare routine? Shaving routine? Do you have an exfoliant (not a physical one -a serum or toner)? As your skin and hair softens this should also help. I use a Philips Norelco OneBlade for any upkeep - cuts super close and doesn’t irritate my skin like a razor.
