Normally I would split this into two posts, but dont want to make 2 seperate posts at once.

So I will start with the thing that happened a while ago: The change of my legal name and gender marker. Finally got my new ID back then, changed it at my university, my new working contract has my new gender and name on it. I am slowly starting to notify all different institutions to change it too. Its also one of the most affirming things ever when you get letters with your correct name/pronouns. Definitely worth it.

The second thing is, that for the first time ever I got positive news about my relationship with my parents. My last interaction was when I told them I wont visit if they keep deadnaming/misgendering me. This caused quite a hard mental time that involved a shit load of drug abuse (I was basically stoned most of the time for 2 months straight and am now struggeling to normalise my habits again), depression and even panic attacks. I first visited them 2 weeks ago for a weekend, it was not spectacular. No one said anything and we all tried to ignore what happened. Still they did not use my new name/pronouns. Last Weekend I visited again for the weekend. First of all I thought myself “fuck it” and showed up at their doorstep wearing a skirt and my new wool pullover. It does make me look like a granny, but its still better than my usual “guy clothes”. Anyways, my dad picked me up at the train station, but was late so I was waiting for him at the spot. When I see his car approaching I get in and instantly realise that he was talking on the phone with my mom and that they are talking about me wearing a skirt. My mom then says, that I should not wear it, because shes fearing, that her friends (which are all conspiracy theorists) might see me and then they might start talking about me (Note: me and my father were picking something up at the house of some of my parents friends). I just thought to myself “World smallest Violin”, but didnt say anything. My father didnt say anything about my skirt. At Home my family didnt really say anything (except my brother who pointed out I look like a granny and who also made a quite mean comment about my skirt). The funny (and good) thing is, that it seems like my father is trying to stop using my deadname. We were doing some manual work together, he uses my deadname and almost instantly says something like the following (and he talks it out loud, so I can hear it): “Damn, I used it again. I wanted to stop doing that”. It was quite sweet to see that. While it is still absolutely nothing, it is a start. This is literally the first time since my coming out to them in april last year, that they are starting to adapt. My mother still does not do anything (but she definitely uses my deadname less often), which is still kind of sad, but this is a starting point, from which I/we can start working.