I’m around 9 months of feminizing HRT, and maintain the opinion that it is one of the best decisions I’ve made. I know that a lot of long term changes won’t kick in until the 2-3 year mark at least, and it can take 5 or more years before strength is comparable to a cis woman.
Yesterday I took some milestone pictures, and it was the first time I’ve seen my back since before starting hormones. Holy dysphoria Batman. Genuinely the most acute dysphoria I’ve experienced. I have had a day to cry, nap, and evaluate, and am back to trusting the process, but damn I want these lats to go away.
I powerlifted in my past life as a way to try and run away from the woman I wanted to become, but haven’t done any upper body strength training in over 3 years. I’d have great genes if I wasn’t trans ;-;
I used to play roller derby with a cis woman who was also a powerlifter. She could have picked you up and snapped you in half, and she looked like it.
It’s also worth remembering that our own perception of our bodies isn’t automatically the “real” or “right” version. We see ourselves with bias, and the pain of years of suppressed dysphoria and transphobia shapes the way we see ourselves, and it often stops us from seeing ourselves as we truly are.
In my case, I had facial feminisation surgery, and after it was done, I used to cry myself to sleep because it didn’t do anything. Yet, random strangers were now gendering me correctly 100% of the time. And when I did before/after photo comparisons, the differences were clear. Eventually, it became impossible to deny that the issue was with my self perception, and I simply wasn’t able to see myself the way other people saw me. But even that realisation, still didn’t change the face I saw in the mirror. I still felt like nothing had changed, even though I absolutely knew it had. My FFS was 6 years ago now, and even though I no longer give a shit about how cis people perceive me, and even though the dysphoria is basically gone, I realise I still can’t myself through neutral eyes.
Hah, I know that feeling! I had higher T levels than most cis men, broad shoulders and a barrel chest with large lung capacity. It made me a great mid and long distance runner!