I’m sympathetic to all that. I used to be really involved in mtf a long time ago. I used to make fun of the toxic positivity of Susan’s place, I was actually kind of a raging asshole to the “hons”. I didnt want to be seen as like them. I was young and edgy and I was trans as a medical condition not as an ideology. Transgender circlejerk was my place, after a while. I’m actually pretty grateful I never found 4tran when I was younger, because I probably would’ve felt so comfortable there I wouldn’t’ve found my way to the irl communities where I thrive now.

What I’ll say on it all is that touching grass was good for me even if it hurt my edgy 20 something ego. There were things I had to shut up about, but my biases got challenged by me doing so. Once I had friends rather than just support groups I was able to talk freely, and sometimes that meant hours long discussions where I was sincerely convinced to change my mind on things. Making friends that lived different rather than merely thinking differently was good for me.

Also, from the bottom of my semi-passing heart, learn to get over yourself when it comes to your appearance. A lot of online trans communities get deep into masochistic epistemology, especially when it comes to appearances. It can get as bad as incels. And in those communities they fail to see how bricky some cis women are. Trans surgery and transmedicalist communities are the worst for it. My cis ex was browsing the Trans surgeries subreddit in preparation for my bottom surgery and she would get frustrated at how many people were insisting that they and others needed ffs for a skull more feminine than hers or other stuff like that. But also you deserve to live a full life even if you don’t pass in the slightest.