<3

That second one triggered another memory… when I was a kid in a church going family, at some point I was expected to dress more appropriately. That of course meant wearing a shirt, eventually suit and tie. I hated this so, so much, actually never got through with wearing a tie. And I was so, so jealous of all the women who could dress nice in beautiful skirts and dresses. That might’ve been the moment I accepted the lie that I am a man and started to believe I have to live up to that.

Oh, and another fun fact: Turns out most cis-men apparently do not have a phase in their teens, where they wonder if they’d be a better and more productive member of society if they lost their dicks for some reason. It wasn’t even related to gender at all, I somehow just believed, as some kind of eunuch, I might be a happier person.

Sounds like you’ll get some answers soon, feel free to update, if you’re up for it. Can’t wait to find out what more estrogen does to me as well.

Huh, relationship experiences will probably be its own rabbit hole to dive into. Now that you mention it, Sex was generally overwhelming, with all the expectations I’ve mostly put on myself, trying to perform like a man. Pretty much thought I’d have to dissociate to make it work and that’s what every man does.

Oh I’ve seen that one… There it is.

Hey there and welcome!

I’m very new here myself, already glad I joined <3

Glad to hear it turned out well for you! I’m convinced, definitely going to make that call tomorrow.

Make sure you don’t hesitate or suppress that part of yourself just based on what you think others will say or think. That doesn’t work long-term.

Good point, yeah, I guess that’s practically what I’ve been trying to do for the last two decades, by being in denial. It did not work at all.

I’m gonna be honest, part of what makes it easy to accept right now is also knowing that whatever happens, happens on my terms, and my terms only. But while the thought of transition is scary… the thought of staying closeted is just as sad. I’m also thinking that gender dysphoria might get worse, now that am conscious about it.

Trying to find trans friends would be nice, though it does feel a bit selfish under the circumstances. I’ve found a contact to a local self help group, maybe I’ll start there.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words and input.

Oh, I’m definitely interested to see what more estrogen feels like, surely I’ll at least try for a few weeks / months eventually. But actually transitioning… that’s still a very scary thought. Or even coming out in rl at all. For now the decision is just accepting myself, no more, no less.

Maybe I should rewatch some of my favourite movies.

Well, there’s still a lot of stuff that I’m unsure about and I don’t know where I’ll end up eventually, although I do lean strongly towards a feminine identity at the moment.

But maybe I should consider myself lucky, because there also were signs all along which are just insanely clear now that I’ve finally dared to read through the Gender Dysphoria Bible.

I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.