It’s comforting to see that I am not alone with these struggles and even more so to see that people like you keep their hopes up and strive towards improvements regardless. Imperfections are a normal thing, I understand that. I just wish I had a lot less of them. Nevertheless, I suppose working on yourself and your self image reduces their amount and impact on your life and that’s worth fighting for, even if it’s just a tiny improvement. Thank you for your insight on this.
I guess it really isn’t smart to judge your own looks based on what you assume others might see in you. Nevertheless I can’t help but feel like looking at me is an uncomfortable thing for others, the same way it is uncomfortable for me when I look in the mirror. I know that they probably just don’t give a damn about how I look, but that only barely makes it better. Perhaps I really should start to focus on what I actually like about my appearance, though I doubt it’s going to be easy to actually find something there. Working on what I want to see in myself instead of chasing after unachievable standards sounds like a good goal, I just hope that I’ll be able to commit to a proper strategy in that regard, with the constant pushback of each improvement being contrasted by the crushing amount of things that I dislike about myself. Maybe someday I’ll also see a piece of the woman I’d like to look like when I look into the mirror, or that’s what I hope for at least.
Perhaps I really shouldn’t draw early conclusions and give everything some time instead. Unfortunately this whole mental self image improvement doesn’t seem to be all too straightforward, I guess that’s also something to be figured out in the future. HRT being the magic that it is sometimes advertised as would have been too good to be true I suppose, but slow and small improvements are still better than none, especially when they enable you to do bigger ones yourself. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I suppose when you put it into perspective like this, HRT really isn’t just the amount of its physical consequences. Being able to draw actual active motivation from it sounds like a powerful thing. It’s not that I am demotivated, I’d actually consider myself an optimist, but more out of a “might as well” attitude and not out actual positive feelings towards possible future developments. I’ve gotta say, someday thinking of myself as pretty or even attractive, or god forbid someone else telling me so, is but a crazy pipedram to me. I don’t think I’ve in my entire life ever gotten a sincere compliment about my looks from anyone, so that idea seems rather unreal. Given how you described your experience though, that means it might actually be a possibility, and there’s something very reassuring about that. Thank you for sharing your experiences, maybe there really is something on the horizon that’s worth fighting for.
I appreciate the kind words, thank you. It definitely helps knowing that I’m not alone with feeling like this and that your mental situation can improve even in the face of comparatively small changes. HRT will perhaps not be the final puzzle piece for me, but it might be a more important stepping stone than I originally assumed. I guess I’ve just gotta wait and find out myself.
I get where you’re coming from, comparing yourself to others is rarely healthy. Regardless of that I feel that establishing some standard or goal based on what you see around you is necessary to get an idea on what you’re actually aiming for, be it for the purpose of inspiration or imitation. It’s not that I look at celebrities and go “I want to look exactly like them” but rather the everyday people around me from which I can deduct some bottom line standard that I would very much like to be over since I currently definitely am not.
What you’re suggesting sounds concerningly logical. I really hope that these similarities are purely coincidental, since I really don’t have the resources to deal with something as severe as this right now.
Thank you, I appreciate the digital hug. Concerning whether I’m sure that that I’m depressed or not, I couldn’t tell. Since I never got that impression myself, I haven’t investigated this any further and therefore not spoken to anyone qualified to make judgements on it. Unfortunately I neither have the time, money, nor social freedom to engage with counselling or therapy, so I hope that it’s not something I actually need.
Nothing does that for me so far. Been on E for a bit over a month now, can’t say it made any noticeable changes to how I feel.