Thank you ❤️

Awe! Thank you so much, rose!

I keep all my old photos, every once in a while I’ll be talking to someone about things and decide I want to see a chronically depressed cadaver go through the motions of… I don’t even really know what… just tons of pictures.

I got pictures of me blackout drunk staring disdainfully in a mirror, pictures of me trying to feign happiness in hundreds of locations at Disney World, pictures documenting the all day drinking and running through the woods at full bore on a 4 wheeler hoping I’d just smash my skull into a tree and die, the daily fire I would make when it was too dark to keep driving drunk through the woods and spend my nights getting more drunk hoping I’d pass out and get killed by wolves.

Sure, If it was life or death I could find a smile or a happy photo, but almost all of them are stoic at best and I’m going to keep them.

That poor fuck held on for something, and in his misery he gave me a life worth living, and for that he deserves his respect and honors. I cannot hate him or erase him. He hurt for so long, he wanted an undying death, and I myself gave him his wish.

Of course, you should do what is best for you, I just have been diving a bit too far into how the Ship of Theseus problem intersects with my identity and personality here lately and have decided I literally AM a different person and that’s okay and consistent with me being the same person I always was, just with less repression.

‘cause right now all we have is time, time, time, and someday that time will run out, that’s the only thing we can be absolutely certain about.

10 Things - Paul Baribau

I’m on hormones, just sucks having to deal with the feelings and knowing it’s a waiting game.

At least I’m doing something though.

In between desperate gasping for air worth breathing and times worth living

Pat the Bunny

My brother has an OSRS account he named post rave blues, certainly relatable.

It’s all good there is no advice.

Thank you for the kind words about my writing style. It’s been a new compulsion of mine to document things. Everyone always told me to journal, but I didn’t see the point documenting the things I was desperately seeking any escape from.

I’m definitely lacking the foot ware. Most of my shoes were leather boots, about 5 months ago I branched out and got some khaki sneakers and some white sneakers.

Thanks Ellie, kind of a radical idea that I deserve a life worth living.

I’ll have to remember that

Sounds like the unspoken idea is you name the roach after your ex

Awe, thanks.

I get my glasses from Zenni Optical. I got some more feminine Prescription glasses and feminine sunglasses for $120 usd, they’re cheap enough that I can get random pairs and the virtual try on + feature on phones is amazing, realtime AR the frames on your face, desktop has an okay version that extracts frames from a webcam video and overlays the frames. Helped me pick some out I knew I’d like.

It was as good a time as it could be ☺️

Thanks

Farscape is a deep cut.

Even Sillier than that is a British comedy called “Red Dwarf” and as far as I recall there is no transphobia. The closest I remember is an episode where the main character ends up in an alternate dimension with the female version of himself. They hit it off and the male main character of the series ends up pregnant, to his distress. At the time I remember it being a really interesting way to bring up gender dynamics without being too laboring, though it’s been a while, and I also haven’t seen the new seasons they apparently made after the show got cult status.

Edit to add: a Reddit thread has this to say about Red Dwarf and being trans

In series 8, Kryten is assigned to women’s prison wing, just because he doesn’t have a penis when he clearly resembles a male, sounds like a male and acts like a male. That’s regardless of the fact that he has no chromosomes because he’s an android (not even gynoid, so another good point). The show makes it out as ridiculous that the only reason why he’s treated as female only because of his lack of penis.

Also, in the episode DNA, it’s shown that when he’s turned into human male, he’s still an android on the inside because he clearly feels discomfort from certain dysphoria, where he finds appliances sexually attractive and inability to adjust to human biology lacking robotic features.

Edit to add to the edit, I forgot the ships on board computer actually does upgrade themselves to present female

Thanks, I’m in love with it. I want to get some nice aftermarket grips for it, but it’s not as popular a platform as some of the Glocks I.e. so pickings are slimmer

You wanna help me leave the state? Everywhere I’ve reached out to doesn’t accept me because technically I’m “protected“ by discrimination laws, but if you want to help my family and I move to a more hospitable environment, we’d be appreciative.

Edit: you know what, fuck all this victim blaming bullshit. I can’t even go to Disney Springs without being picketed and called a groomer by literal Nazi’s, do you think fucking Disney is unaware of the loud vocal nazis and refusing to do anything about it? These motherfuckers get to terrorize me and my family regardless sanctioned by the police because next to the Nazi flag is a DeSantis one and “Freeze Peach”.

I was living out near Millerville, I would’ve been way sketch out there compared to the twin cities. I imagine Bemidji would be nice too. I’m glad you have a safe area to be you!

Someone should do something about that then. I’m not the only person to go into an applebees with a gun in my area… Ya’ll need to get real.

Edit to add, restaurants that have bars are not considered bars in Florida, it is illegal to sit at the bar, not anywhere else in the property of a place that sells food and alcohol. If they didn’t sell food I couldn’t even go to the property.

I don’t disagree with you. It honestly is with a heavy heart that I find myself feeling the need to carry because of such shitty people. In general I am a massive fan of gun reform, but as it is, the game, with the rules as they are, I can’t allow myself to be that disadvantaged. Mr Hicksville was way more drunk than that, and I guarantee he was armed, and the police WILL look the other way if he gets even more drunk and decides he thinks I followed his eye candy into the bathroom, even if I didn’t at all, and she was elsewhere on the property.

I wish we weren’t here at all and that I could just be a person that deserved respect for my humanity as a base level, but we aren’t there.

It’s not Illegal at all in my state, I am a perfectly law abiding citizen.

It is unlawful and punishable as provided in s. 790.151 for any person who is under the influence of alcoholic beverages or controlled substances, when affected to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired, to use a firearm in this state.

I wasn’t demonstrably beyond my normal faculties, or legally intoxicated.

Again, I appreciate everyone being good advocates for responsible CCW. Thank you, but my original post basically opened with I am versed with this, understand my rights and responsibilities, and I am not a newbie to CCW in general.

Maybe it’s cultural, but having 2 drinks over a couple of hours is hardly considered drinking.

People in my area regularly take in more pain pill’s than that and drive while ccw even though technically they aren’t supposed to do any of That.

I live in central Florida for reference.

Thank you for looking out 🙏

I’m a huge advocate for training, and while currently Florida doesn’t require it, I have been through training in the past.

I picked up some cheaper range ammo in bulk to start getting in more regular time at a range in my area, as well as some self defense round for training and to maintain carry levels.

I think I have everything well handled, but if you have anything else to add, I’m appreciative, and you never know when someone else might need the info.

Thank you for advocating responsible ccw 💕