I have some experience in this area. Here is my advice. Get laser for any facial hair. Learn how to do makeup(esp if you are worried about jawline, etc) and dress for your body. Practice yoga and mindfulness. Find a supportive female/trans friend to help you grow and give you criticism on your look.

Be true to yourself and find ways to grow and become a better person each and every day.

You are hiding secrets from your wife. Secrets that you are actively sharing with others that are not your wife. Would you prefer to live with this secret for the rest of your life? Would you prefer to wait to transition until you are no longer able to be passable with hrt? Would you be happy with yourself and the decisions that you made in life if you looked back at your past from your death bed and saw that you chose to be male throughout every single one of your memories? Would you be fine dieing as a man? Is your decision being made because you are the one making it, or because you are embarrassed about how others may react when you tell them how you really prefer to be?

The choice is yours. No one else can make it for you. Some say that we choose our own heaven and hell in life. If you’re living in a personal hell, you might want to consider making different choices