To start for anyone that may be concerned by the title, I’ve always considered myself an ally and I’ve supported both family and friends when they came out to me. I’ve always known that it takes a lot of trust for someone to come out like that, and I want to be the friend that they feel safe to talk with about that stuff.
I’m autistic, and I’ve recently started my journey of understanding that, my gender, and my sexuality. I’ve suspected since college that I was ace, and finally understood that about myself in the last few months. I made the first public message ever referring to myself as queer in a casual setting as a passing comment today which honestly felt a little strange, but already feels natural.
What I need help with understanding, is why should I actively tell my friends and family about it? The way I see it, I’ve always been this way and nothing will change in me between now and 10 seconds after I say something. I don’t think of it as hiding anything either, I think of it as me being me. Why do others feel the need to share with people close to them?
There are a thousand things about yourself that you don’t share with people around you. We make choices every day about what to share about ourselves, and even if we wanted to share absolutely everything, there are only 24 hours in the day, so it’s impossible.
So then, how do we choose any topic of conversation? It all depends what you’re trying to do.
Your wording is notable. You asked why others “feel the need to share”. That sounds like an implication that people by default wouldn’t share, but they have strong enough feelings, so they somehow are impelled to share… I disagree with that position. I would say that people make their own choices, and there is no default about sharing or not sharing.