I feel terrible but a high school marching band stabbed me.
I know you’re going to hate me, but the kid from air Bud gave me syphilis
… I do not like this game
It’s like I don’t even know you
… I’ll take the antibiotics
This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler died in front of me.
Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stole my bicycle…
Get this, a high school marching band stabbed me.
Et tu, tromboner?
Please forgive my absence, my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.
This is going to sound crazy but my high school marching band just shit the bed.
Or just tell them why your car isn’t working:
I know youre going to hate me, but the ghost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram
This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth 😬
I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date poured lemonade in my gas tank
So, will there be a second date?
I feel terrible but a sad clown died in front of me.
Doesn’t track. One less clown in the world, why feel terrible? (/s if it’s not obvious).
Don’t judge me:
It wasn’t the last one
/s
Is the “punchline” to that type of saying about a demographic you don’t like, with the added implication of why you’re doing something else that night.
Get this: the kid from Airbud stabbed me
I know youre going to hate me, but Dan Rather posted my nudes on instagram
I regretfully cannot attend, the kid from Air Bud just shit the bed.
