Important to note: I have OCD, and I seem to have this obsession with the idea of me being transphobic. I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have known this for years, and I try my best to support everyone. I have a lot of trans friends, I love them a lot, and treat them and see them as I would anyone else.
So, I feel like I’m transphobic. Is there any evidence of this? No. I’ve been a vocal supporter about LGBTQ+ rights for years (online), including trans rights, but I’ve recently become increasingly anxious at the thought of me being transphobic.
This likely stems from my questioning of my own gender, often times I feel that I am not quite male, maybe that I’m nonbinary or genderfluid. I mentioned this to my nonbinary friend, and they said “you don’t seem nonbinary”. This sent me spiraling, questioning my own gender and identity, and questioning if I was transphobic for believing that I was nonbinary (or possibly genderfluid, as at times I feel very comfortable being male, but at others I feel a lot more feminine).
At some point, I have to accept the fact that this is delusion, but I still really feel like I need guidance/assurance. I do not really know what to do about this.
(ANOTHER WORRY I HAVE is acting so paranoid and making it seem like I think trans people are going to cancel me and ruin my life if I say anything wrong, like a lot of transphobic people claim and act like. This is NOT AT ALL my intention, but I know I probably come off that way.)
No one has actually accused me of being transphobic, this is all just my own fear.
Ah. I’m just saying, people will, despite your best efforts and intentions.
I couldn’t figure out where exactly you would become transphobic, so I think you just need to get outta your head and into the world a bit more. I think you’re alright.
I also think you’re confusing the root meaning of phobia (being afraid of) and the more socially used meaning (being bigoted toward). Like, you’re afraid you might be trans and that’s fine, a lot of people are figuring shit out. It’s fine to be a little afraid of a self discovery that will change you. It’s not the same as being bigoted toward others, which is the more common/social use of -phobic. Like homophobia really just means people who hate the gays, they’re not really afraid of the gays. The joke is that they’re afraid they’re really gay, but the behaviour being called out is the bigotry. People who are in the closet or are questioning aren’t homophobic (or transphobic), they’re just in the process of discovering themselves. Perfectly fine.
No, that is not what I am saying. I am using phobia to mean what society means, my fear is that I am bigoted toward trans people. I am not scared of trans people or of me being trans (though I worry that I am transphobic for believing so).