Roll in the open, fuck narrative first gameplay, it’s a game.

Yeah, it’s difficult to process. I certainly wouldn’t be the first woman to reject traditional femininity, or even to take T for various goals if I did that; it’s hard to understand how much of the distance and alienation I feel is internalised transphobia, a result of a different socialisation (would a cis woman, raised as a cis man, feel the same way?), a defensive reaction to treatment from society at large, or some “genuine” need to understand myself in contrast to traditional structures. Is such a question even meaningful? the author’s stance is no, and I think I agree?

I remember saying at some point to a therapist early in the process, when she asked what I thought transition would look like, that I didn’t want to go through all the pain and rejection of tearing off one mask only to put on another but of course now I understand that such a thing isn’t really possible.

I think a lot of people would say “Ok, you’re describing the experience of being non binary” but I don’t think it’s quite that, particularly internally I tend to feel quite strongly gendered, something odd happened where prior to transition I was mostly a woman in my imagination/internal monologue and after transition I often find myself thinking of myself as a man. Yet when I’m gendered as a man by strangers it feels awful!

Even discussing this stuff is difficult, because it’ll all be used as ammunition by people to attack trans people.

Amusingly I think the most seen I’ve ever felt by a stranger was when a guy a bit divorced from reality (drugs or psychosis I don’t know, never saw him again) looked up and went “ah, another androgynous soul” and then went back to his ravings.

Can’t get this article out of my head.

I don’t feel exactly the same, and I don’t exactly want to detranstion but my own understanding of who I am and what I’m comfortable performing or not always changes.

I am more comfortable with a mostly feminine body than not, and I definitely don’t regret SRS, but I also have no intention of voice training, I don’t really do makeup or overly feminine clothing. I like maintaining some muscles, sometimes I wish I could go on T for a bit to body build and experience the mental changes now they wouldn’t be an inescapable prison but also I strongly don’t want some physical changes like hair growth.

Life is weird, gender is strange, people want to put people in boxes so much even non binary labels have aesthetics in the public eye, and expected roles to perform.

We also tend to share our babies with dogs. My sister has recently had skin dogs and my fur babies are very interested in standing by the bassinet and watching over them. They’re also extremely patient with their flailing hands and curious fingers.

While the reasons why aren’t all peachy, and much of the framework it happens in is incredibly abusive and horrible, what humans and dogs share is very beautiful.

My dog recently broke her leg, she was screaming in terrible pain, but she went dead silent when we arrived and started investigating. That level of trust is incredible. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in her head, but I know that when something is wrong and I show up to help her breathing calms and she relaxes. Just as when I think I hear something in the night or whatever I look to her for guidance on whether it’s a threat.

T aromatises to E so if you have high T you probably have high E also.

Coincidence? 🧐

There’s antagonism though unless levels are bonkers high (e.g. people on gear for ages).

First part hard yes, but that’s actually explicit in OD&D. The slow adventuring pace in the dungeon accounts for probing etc.

Last part hard no, you just need to get more creative with obstacles. Like “traps” don’t have to be hidden pitfalls. They can be wizardly match stick puzzles of doom and so can a 10 foot pole be incorporated into the puzzle by delicate magical manipulation by a magic user giving you a free move?

I’m not very creative, I just steal from media I like, but the sky is the limit when you stop playing character sheets and start playing the characters that the sheets abstract the wrote bits of.

I can’t answer that for you, I see your pain and wish there was some magical incantation I could write down that would ease it but there isn’t.

I have gone through very lonely periods, and less lonely periods, and for now my wife, the dogs I’ve taken in, my sisters, and my niece are enough for me.

I don’t know what’s in your possible futures, all I can say is it’s probably less dire than the visions of doom and hopelessness that accompany moments of crisis.

Volunteering at animal sanctuaries can be a good way to get some low pressure social contact and physical affection (albeit from non humans) when there aren’t humans we can rely on.

There’s not so much that some stranger on the internet can say that you don’t already know.

Professional help to work through feelings of inadequacy might be useful if you can swing it. As I’m sure you’re aware you are probably holding yourself to expectations you wouldn’t dream of inflicting on others, someone/someone’s did that to you and it’ll take work to undo it.

Life has brutual periods, and softer ones. Nothing’s over till the end and there’s a lot of beautiful things even amongst all the hardship. I have found Albert Camus’s thoughts/absurdism in general useful for contextualising suffering and understanding why I want to continue personally, maybe you would too?

Nah, everyone who knows history hates Rome and bat Goths are mega nerds for history.

You’re cool and I like you.

Huh, must be sold out. Maybe panic over this ban?

luckily Elwood’s has you covered if you’re in the Americas https://www.elwooddogmeat.com/

In oceania I have to go hunt roaming pet cats to get something reasonable to eat.

keeping up with the jongdashians?