I’m not trans, but I sympathise. Just a heads up from an outside perspective. Even your language has some of that internalizes transphobia.
You say I don’t want to be a trans woman. I simply want to be a woman.
You are a woman. Likely you always were and always will be l. Transitioning is just affirming that, not changing your gender.
As a cis person, when I read that you want to be a woman, it means to me you don’t consider yourself one. I’m not trying to create drama for you, but trying, poorly, to point out how you can start affirming yourself more in your language.
Collectively, for all of us, it makes sense to not bow to societal pressure and to be our true selves, always. However, as you point out, it’s not always safe to do that, so individually, we need to practice caution. Over time, hopefully individually and as a society, there is increasing acceptance. Same sex marriage is just made legal in Greece, for instance. I now will travel there with my family openly. Previously I might not.
Thrown out before or after the records are already transferred?