Good Girl [she/they]


  • 3 Posts
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: June 13th, 2023


  • I’m very happy I could help!

    I also understand better regarding gender-affirming care. That seems very hard to receive currently, at least in the US. Perhaps it’s being politicized by those in power but I see more comments about not being able to receive any care than I do about successful treatment.

    It’s very rough for a lot of trans people in a lot of states. I’m very lucky in that I had the privilege of being born in a state where a lot of the medical steps are covered by insurance, but a lot of trans people aren’t afforded that luxury. To make matters worse, some of these treatments are only gatekept when it comes to trans people, while cis people get access to those very same treatments.

    Cis kids who may be going through puberty too early or too quickly are given puberty blockers, while trans kids who feel they’re going through the wrong puberty have those same puberty blockers withheld because they “could be dangerous.”

    Cis women can be given testosterone blockers for various medical conditions such as PCOS, and may even be prescribed estradiol for postmenopausal symptoms or because they had a hysterectomy. Cis men could be given testosterone blockers like finasteride for male pattern baldness or prostate issues. Spironolactone is a high blood pressure medicine that also can acts as a testosterone blocker at high doses. I’ve even heard of cis men being prescribed testosterone if they simply have concerns about their T levels being too low.

    Not to mention the various gender affirming surgeries many cis people go for such as breast augmentations, plastic surgery, hair transplants, even dangerous ones like the penile ligament surgery or BBLs.

    Gender affirming care just isn’t politicized when it’s affirming a cis identity.

    I’m sorry if I’m being too much, I just have a lot of thoughts on this.

  • Question 1 - I think I understand the part where a person disagrees with the gender assigned to them at birth but when I see a transgender person, they seem to be striving to dress and look like the opposite gender.

    You’re sorta conflating gender expression with gender identity here. Gender expression is the outward way one presents to society. Your gender identity is part of how you relate to those around you and society at large. A good example is with cis male drag queens. In drag, they’re presenting with a feminine gender expression, but they maintain their cis male gender identity.

    What I mean by this is I rarely see a picture of a person choosing she/her but dressing and having hairstyles more associated with their assigned birth gender.

    Further, with trans people, there’s an extra layer of scrutiny from our transphobic society. Trans people are pressured to appear as though they fit a binary gender expression in order to be recognized as their gender identity. (This also extends to those who fall outside the binary, they are expected to display an androgynous gender expression)

    However there definitely still are gender non-conforming (GNC) trans people, just as there are GNC cis people, despite those pressures.

    Does this mean that although they were born with certain reproductive organs at birth normally associated with a particular gender, they feel that some part inside them(soul, mind, etc) feels they should have been born with the opposite socially constructed gender?

    This one is kind of fuzzy, I think every trans person kind of feels their own unique way about it. For example, some trans women keep their genitalia as-is and some trans men are fine with keeping their breasts and these things may not cause them as much dysphoria as it might another trans person. There is also a social aspect to it, in that if one person wants to be perceived as one gender, they may also want their “expected” genitalia, post-puberty body, etc. Note that those who chose not to medically transition are just as trans as those who do.

    My second question and this is where I swear I am not aiming to offend. I will try to explain what led me to this thought - When a person chooses to take hormones that their body doesn’t make on it’s own or chooses to have surgery to rebuild sexual organs that they weren’t born with or to add/remove breasts, Is this element of trans life considered a mental illness?

    What you’re describing are various steps of medical transition; to answer your question, no, medically transitioning is not a mental illness. There is mental illness in the trans experience however, and that is gender dysphoria.

    Gender dysphoria is the word for the mental, psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical pain, anguish, or torment trans people may feel prior to receiving gender affirming care. Gender affirming care is considered to be the cure for gender dysphoria and may come in different forms: it can be medical transition, social transition, a good support system, therapy, or any combination of these things and more.

    The only reason I ask this is I remember watching a documentary where people lived a life in which they felt, for example, that one of their arms didn’t belong to them and they pursued surgery to have a working limb removed. During the documentary, some of the people during therapy and medication were able to change their mindset to the point that they could live with the offending limb but there were some people that were traveling to other countries to have it removed (the doc was based in the US and they couldn’t find a doctor to perform the surgery). The only reason I ask is because of that, My mind goes to body parts that the person doesn’t feel belongs but that they were born with and not something socially attached to them.

    A better comparison would be if you had a third arm, or if you were short one arm due to a genetic anomaly or injury. You may feel social pressures that you may not fit in or maybe you feel body dysmorphia about your body being different from other people you identify with. You likely would want to seek care to more closely align your body to one that is socially expected.

    Never feel bad about asking questions! You’re making an attempt to learn and understand, and that’s way more than some people (allies included) ever do.

  • FWIW some people do report their anger and “competitive spirit” becomes less intense after going on HRT for a while. As well as other emotions becoming more intense and more “vibrant.”

    From my own experience, I definitely feel a bit more chill. I don’t get aggravated as quickly, and when I do, it doesn’t feel as intense or “hot” as it used to. This could be more that I don’t have as big a hypothetical thorn in my side anymore from alleviating a bit of my dysphoria however. I do cry more easily now, and it feels a bit different when my emotions boil over to that point. It’s more… even? Like the feelings are wider and more gradual or gentle instead of narrow and pointed and intense. Kind of an abstract way to put it I guess but that’s how I visualize them.

  • You know, I do agree with you for the most part.

    Man and woman as concepts feel more or less tangible albeit complex. They’re something I can point to and say, “this is man” or “this is woman.” Whereas femininity and even masculinity feel incorporeal to me to an extent. Certain things are deemed feminine and masculine, yes, but the criteria are ever-changing and being molded to fit a time or place or idea.

    I can sorta envision this idea of womanhood for myself, whereas femininity feels like… much more of a vibe? i guess?

  • This is such a complicated question I feel you may as well have asked ‘What makes a woman/man’.

    I guess, to me - femininity means being allowed access to my own vulnerability, to be allowed (or to be expected societally) to emphasize appearance, to be expected to appear frail or to take up little space.

    However I also understand that these things are more or less just bullshit societal expectations, and that feminine women and feminine people in general are allowed to be loud, brash, messy, and strong individuals.

    But to me femininity is the performance I feel pressured to act out in order to be seen the way I want to be seen. Maybe in the future my perspective will change, but at this moment I personally do not feel ‘allowed’ to be my rightful gender unless I perform the way I’m expected to perform.