vibinya

Ya… honestly I wouldn’t put much stock in Internet insults- easier said than done, I know. I think it’s really easy to get lost in our screens and forget the real world is incredibly different. It’s really frustrating how our brains sort through things- you’ll get a lot of positive feedback, and then one or two negative comments and that’s what our brains decide to focus on. I think it’s fairly normal for a lot of people, but I think it’s worth working on training your brain to untangle those types of thoughts. I recommend looking into Cognitive Distortions!

I think it’s really about going at your own pace and being patient with yourself! I’m still trying to find my happy middle as well.

For hair, find a local non-chain salon, and let them take care of you. They’ll work with you, recommend the right products for your hair type and the style you’d like to go for. I gave up trying to style mine and instead just super take care of it. I personally wash it once or twice a week with a fairly expensive Japanese shampoo/conditioner that my stylist recommended (I’ve been seeing her for over 11 years and we’re great friends… She’s been such a huge help through my transition). I also started to decorate it with cute bows and hair bands- I really recommend this! I’ve even started making my own!

Makeup is another story - I’ve been struggling, but honestly really care more about having healthy skin. Definitely start building a skincare routine so your skin starts to naturally glow. I also recommend a BB cream if foundation doesn’t feel right for you (not a fan of foundation tbh). From there you can find a tinted chapstick if you want some color for your lips. As much as I’d love to give you pointers on eye makeup - this is my biggest struggle area right now, but we’re just getting started so practice and patience!

It can be really disheartening seeing other women just radiate beauty, but remember that they’ve had many many years of practice and definitely struggled when they first started 🩷

I think your feelings on this are super valid. Each step can be a bit scary, especially when you aren’t sure how people in your life are going to react. Pronouns and gender identity are your choice 🩷 remember that it’s not about passing or having certain checkboxes checked, it’s about how you feel and what you’re working on/towards! One aspect of transitioning is finding people who respect who you are and who you want to become without gatekeeping or forcing their personal versions of gender on you. Women can have beards, body hair, deep voices, balding, huge muscles, etc - it’s fine if you don’t want these things for yourself, but none of these are a reason to think you aren’t valid as a woman.

If you can, I super encourage you to try to find more queer places and people to interact with. You’ll find there’s a huge spectrum of gender presentation and identity - it really helped me feel confident and comfortable with my choices and feelings.

I guess it depends how your emotions resolve. If you don’t want to be seen as a boy/man, then you can ask them to stop calling you that without elaborating further. I personally would not have friends or continue to stay in a space where people didn’t respect my identity, pronouns, or whatever label I choose for myself.

For my transition I’m not looking to be seen as or called a boy - period, so being called a femboy would cause me the same pangs as being misgendered.

I think the thing I would think about is if you’re okay with people deciding who you are. Sure, there’s some affirmation as they see you as feminine, but once you open up to these people about your goals, will they respect you or continue to call you something that doesn’t align with your transition.

For an Epilator, I use the Braun Epilator Silk-epil 9. Epilators will take getting accustomed to, especially for more sensitive areas. I recommend taking it slow and just focusing on one area per day at first!

For shaving/hair removal, my favorite method is hair removal cream. I was absolutely amazed at how easy, painless, and effective they are! I have one for intimate areas and another for everything else. I’ve not had any burns or encountered razor burn-esque irritation or discomfort. A couple days later I use an epilator on any areas which might have hair starting to poke through.

I ordered an IPL that will get here tomorrow that I’m super excited about!