I can 100% relate to the feeling of “if I don’t know the plan I don’t know where to start”.
The conclusion I came to is that it’s impossible to know if there is a “plan”. But hypothetically if there was a plan, what would you want it to look like? For me that plan would be “I’ll do the things I think are right. I’ll do the things that make me feel good (enjoying life, helping other people enjoy their lives) and when I mess up I’ll forgive myself and have faith that others will forgive me.”
Yeah for sure. So I grew up around a bunch of people who thought tattoos were inappropriate. And because everyone said they were inappropriate, I grew up believing they were inappropriate.
It wasn’t until later in life I realized I actually thought tattoos were cool and the only reason I didn’t have any is because I never actually made a choice based on my opinion. I was living based on someone else’s.
(Or replace “tattoos” with whatever you in particular feel bad/stressed about.)
I can’t give you any advice for your specific experience, but I know for me I’ve been a lot happier with myself after I realized that just because I think other people might judge me doesn’t mean I have to judge myself the same way. It’s up to you to look the way that makes you feel good, and no one except yourself can really tell you what that should be.
If you feel the need to change something but you can’t figure out what you want to change I recommend meditating on it and being honest with yourself. A lot of times my indecision has been the result of cognitive dissonance that I didn’t fully understand until years later when I actually started consciously unpacking my values.
I think understand where you’re coming from, but this type of poem is exactly what needs to be spread in order to make “Christians” feel some cognitive dissonance about their hypocrisy.
I may be misinterpreting you, but it sounds like you’re trying to justify your hatred for a group of people because you believe in a “greater good”; some sort of better world that would exist if religion disappeared. That’s exactly the sort of mindset that christians and many others have used to justify their cruelty.