Ex-egg. Turns out wishing you were a girl does work.

  • 24 Posts
  • 118 Comments
Joined 9 months ago
cake
Cake day: July 2nd, 2024

help-circle




  • Hello!

    It’s been a bit of an anxiety of mine that cis women wouldn’t see me as a woman, but as a kinda creepy guy…

    I have the same worry, despite great experiences like yours being accepted. Here’s what I tell myself:

    Having grown up around men being creepy to and about women, it’s natural to be a bit wary. But that’s not you. I’ve met quite a few pre-transition MTF people now, some of whom appeared very masculine, and it’s immediately apparent that it’s a non-threatening interaction. I guess it’s unconscious body language, or something like that. Men being creepy tend to seek attention from women as a man.

    Anyway, there’s a group of women friends I meet up with from time to time (since well before I hatched) who were the first non-family I came out to. They’re so accepting and affirming, I usually end up in happy tears at the end of the evening.

    Still (probably irrationally) scared of using the women’s bathroom in case I make someone uncomfortable, though.










  • Half a year into transition here. I’ve been sleeping much better since I started, and I don’t think I remember having any dreams since.

    In the past, my dreams which didn’t feature gender would have been “assumed male” regular me. But I did have a recurring dream where I’d wake up as a woman one day, and they were mostly centered around how to explain it to the people who knew me and generally enjoying my new life. Those were absolutely crushing to wake up from. Also sexual fantasies and dreams were mostly from a female perspective (thus I assumed it was just a fetish for a long time).

    I would also very frequently dissociate during waking times and imagine myself doing whatever I was doing, but as a woman. Not in a sexual way, just a very melancholy “if only…” feeling.

    That’s all stopped since starting transition. Instead, when I’ve been concentrating on something and come “back to reality” as it were, I often get a brief flash of “crap, I’m a man – no, wait – oh shit I’m out and transitioning is this a dream I must be crazy – calm down, this is what I want” with an associated adrenaline spike. That’s not fun. Other times when my mind wanders I can just reflect happily on how awesome it is I get to be a woman at last, if I can stave off the “you’re faking it” dysphoria.

    I don’t have much experience yet of being treated as a woman socially, or even seeing myself in that role, but I’m hoping that will change and I get used to it. Then I’d expect my dreams to mostly reflect that.