I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, but remember that to transition is a huge step and it’s very common for people to have some doubts along the way.
As you say, I think it’s unlikely that a cis person would accept hormones if they were offered freely, let alone take the steps to acquire them. I certainly don’t think that a cis person would feel euphoric about being given the option.
But if you do start taking hormones and find that you don’t like the effects, it’s okay to just stop. It’s rare, but I’ve known people to start and shortly thereafter stop because they didn’t vibe the early mental or later physical changes. Nobody worth your time will judge you for it.
Whichever decision you make, I hope that you find happiness and freedom from anxiety!
Good to see Khoshekh on this site!