FoundTheVegan

like whenever I see other trans women who don’t pass it gives me a little burst of dread

As a someone who does pass, these moments fill me with guilt and a degree of imposter syndrome as I wonder why I got to be lucky when I am no more valid than anyone else. And then that’s more guilt as I then become self-conscious of something that I know so many people strive and yearn for. But these moments also prompt memories of my early days when I was absolutely not passing, and how fragile, scared and humiliated I felt.

Letting go of passing as a concept entirely is probably unrealistic for most of us, but when you have these moments of dread it’s healthier to recognize your common fears, struggles and vulnerability. Don’t let dread win, because you only ever notice 100% of the people you do notice. Some of us eventually live in stealth, and then have internalized intrusive thoughts from that as well.

In a sense I guess I’m saying the grass is always greener, so it’s better to learn comradery with those that feel the same as you do, as opposed to using them as a yard stick for yourself. It’s not something that will just click and fade away, but a consenious choice to be the kindness we all want to see in the world.

Now I’m not racist but…

… people that prefer the bottom number are a blight upon the world and should be sterilized and forced in to education camps.

Awww, I’m so happy for you Amelia! Happy and PROUD of you for working through your emotions and exploring what truly makes you happy!

So what should your newest girl buy herself to celebrate

• Nail polish! If we are starting with first things first, then do something that will make you feel from your point of view. We spend our entire lives looking at our hands! Rings and jewelry for the same reason. The beauty of this is that it all comes off depending on where you are or how “out” you are going to be with people.

• Liquid eyeliner and some basic “nude” eyeshadow pallets are also a great thing to start playing around with. Don’t get discouraged if it at first things don’t turn out the way you hope, just keep in mind that girls in middile school also have crappy makeup because they are using it for the first time too, it’s just a pure pratice thing. Start with aiming for a good cat eye, there are tools and stencils to make it easier. Most cashiers and strangers in the world look you in the eye initially, so if you can femme it up that will go a looooong ways to help with people understanding how you want to be treated.

• To this end, if you can work up the courage to go a eyebrow place you’d be honestly shocked how much your face can change with a good arched brow. Doesn’t matter if you boy mode there, they won’t ask questions nor care, but they are also professionals so they will also know what you mean if you ask for a more “feminine look”.

• Lastly, find some other trans women IRL, look around your area for a support group. These ladies will have so much more experince in your area, while also understanding completely where you are coming from. Online friends are great, but IRL ones are life savers! Now that you understand your dysphoria, it can sometimes get worse as your mind now knows exactly what to focus on, get some girlfriends to bitch about it with over drinks. I promise it’s a game changer!

I hope this helps! I remember my eye cracking as a scary confusing time too, but happier days of clarity are ahead! You did the hard part already, defeating the transphobe in your own head is always the first and hardest obstacles.

Once again, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU for getting to the end of these emotions instead of just repressing. Let us know when you have questions! ♥ 💕