Fiona

there is technically a limit of “too high” E but its so incredibly high you’ll never get anywhere close on normal dosing.

To add to this: The usual joke on /r/transDIY whenever someone manages to miscalculate and do a 10× overdose is “congrats, you are pregnant now”, because E-levels during pregnancy are crazy high. And you don’t exactly see pregnant women dying left and right either, so don’t worry too much.

Ouch! I’m not in the UK, so I didn’t follow it too closely, but they had some problem with the NHS recently, though it seemed that they got it under control. Maybe that is not the case though. In that case, hrt.cafe says that the following homebrewers also sell to the UK

• voixceleste
• astrovials
• silvermaplelabs
• teahrt
• Otokono Pharmaceuticals (old and trusted, but suffering massive shipping delays due to immense load, last time I checked)

You probably want Estradiol Enanthate which has to be injected weekly. I’d recommend to get a multi-year supply just to be on the safe side. With injections monotherapy is viable! Most people seem to calculate one vial lasting for about one year, give or take depending on your exact dosing.

There is also the option to buy raw estradiol and mix your own spray or gel. The advantage is that a lifetime-supply of E is comparatively affordable this way. Check /r/estrogel on reddit for more info on that.

Get on the waiting lists just in case to be able to eventually get bottom surgery covered. Even if you don’t want it now, you very well may by the time your turn comes and you can still say no then.

The primary DIY provider for TERF-island is Vanna Pharma who sell gel and injectables. If you want to use gel you will probably need an anti-androgen from a different source, Estradiol monotherapy is generally considered to be less viable with transdermals (with injections it’s usually fine), which you can find on these sites that list well established, trusted sellers:

• diyhrt.market
• hrt.coffee
• hrtcafe.net

You probably want Cyproterone Acetate (“Cypro”/“CPA”) in pill form. Don’t exceed 12.5mg (get a pill-cutter!) per day and rather increase E if your T isn’t fully supressed by that.

It’s great!

Personally I’m using 12.5mg Cypro and six pumps of Felicitas’ gel, though that is probably overkill. (I used to take two, but my E-levels were low-ish and since I too have to pay for my blood tests I just took the “a lot helps a lot”-approach, though in part this may have been due to issues with the bottle I was using since the new one produces much more gel per pump than the old one.)

I have an appointment with the hospital in Rotterdam on Friday, hopefully they will finally give me an official prescription…

What dose are you on and what are your blood-levels if you have them? A lot of places want to underdose you, so that could explain unsatisfactory results. Also, it’s quite hard to tell from the picture (I’m kinda face-blind and your expression doesn’t make it easier to tell things), but are you sure it really is that bad or might you just have overly high standards? And I’ll add here that being pretty and passing are two different things as well!

Lastly, and I know that this is an uncomfortable topic: If you want to pass, shave above your upper lip and cover any remaining shadow up with make-up. That is the only thing that really sticks out to me as a telltale-sign in the picture.