You are what you are, understanding ourselves is difficult for some. For me, I went from ‘I want’ to ‘I am’ in steps. Some of those steps where feeling nothing (agender), to feeling girlish, to being almost certainly being a woman. And it all started (and stayed like that for a loooong time) with just a ‘I would have wanted to be a woman instead of man’. From what I read you may be non-binary without really knowing how to express it, just give it time.
Yeah, maybe thats the case. Idk. I haven’t given it a lot of direct thought, tbh. I’ve always had a curiosity about having male organs (masturbation seems a lot easier for one…), but I don’t want to be a man and wouldn’t be able to identify as one, certainly. My hobbies and interests tend to be things people associate with men, but I think it’s just stuff cool people are into in general.
The reason I say I’d like to be fully androgynous is that I’m ace/aro, which took me a solid chunk of my life and a great deal of misery to figure out, and just don’t want sex organs or secondary sex characteristics (including all the hair, yuck) at all. I want to be the sex/genderless baseline generic human bodyprint that I feel like. I’m not using them (genuinely don’t think my vag even works anymore, haven’t tried in years), don’t need them, so don’t really want them. Tried to get a hysterectomy so at least I wouldn’t have to deal with anything related to that, but I’m healthy and have no offspring so they wont go for it.
Im not sure it rises to the level of dysphoria, though, more like a preference, and one nobody would likely take particularly seriously.
You have to remember that you don’t have to conform (but from what I read, you may already know that).
I can only talk from my own experiences. While I may not be completly binary now, I was definitly agender before (I think because the dysphoria was preventing me from even thinking about being feminine). I never really liked the agender pronouns (my mother tongue has its own complications that english do not have), and was uncomfortable with expressing myself with a pronoun that is so recent that I never heard it used by anyone (saw it written though). On the opposite spectrum I saw people on tv expressing a strong imperative to make it known that they are agender (no pronoun was used though). We are all different but also there is no right way and we are all valid.
As for the dysphoria, it was for me the most ridiculous display of denial I could possibly display for so many years. From my teenage years to my forties, I felt a disgust for my face (mainly), yet I always said to myself this was a normal part of life, all that along with thinking I really wanted to be a woman. The denial was so strong that I could not put two and two together.
Now, the fact that that you actually tried to go for an hysteretomy demonstrate in my opinion a level of disgust that I would qualify as dysphoric (you want to erase you most caracteristic feminine attribute). I really understand that the obstacles may seem too strong for a benefit that you may seem too hypothetic, but I think its worth to try again some time later (or elsewhere). It is also fine to live as you are if you are content as you are. So the real question to ask yourself is: are you ?
Tried to get a hysterectomy so at least I wouldn’t have to deal with anything related to that, but I’m healthy and have no offspring so they wont go for it.
The cultural expectations around people “needing” to reproduce are so fucked.
You are what you are, understanding ourselves is difficult for some. For me, I went from ‘I want’ to ‘I am’ in steps. Some of those steps where feeling nothing (agender), to feeling girlish, to being almost certainly being a woman. And it all started (and stayed like that for a loooong time) with just a ‘I would have wanted to be a woman instead of man’. From what I read you may be non-binary without really knowing how to express it, just give it time.
Yeah, maybe thats the case. Idk. I haven’t given it a lot of direct thought, tbh. I’ve always had a curiosity about having male organs (masturbation seems a lot easier for one…), but I don’t want to be a man and wouldn’t be able to identify as one, certainly. My hobbies and interests tend to be things people associate with men, but I think it’s just stuff cool people are into in general.
The reason I say I’d like to be fully androgynous is that I’m ace/aro, which took me a solid chunk of my life and a great deal of misery to figure out, and just don’t want sex organs or secondary sex characteristics (including all the hair, yuck) at all. I want to be the sex/genderless baseline generic human bodyprint that I feel like. I’m not using them (genuinely don’t think my vag even works anymore, haven’t tried in years), don’t need them, so don’t really want them. Tried to get a hysterectomy so at least I wouldn’t have to deal with anything related to that, but I’m healthy and have no offspring so they wont go for it.
Im not sure it rises to the level of dysphoria, though, more like a preference, and one nobody would likely take particularly seriously.
You have to remember that you don’t have to conform (but from what I read, you may already know that). I can only talk from my own experiences. While I may not be completly binary now, I was definitly agender before (I think because the dysphoria was preventing me from even thinking about being feminine). I never really liked the agender pronouns (my mother tongue has its own complications that english do not have), and was uncomfortable with expressing myself with a pronoun that is so recent that I never heard it used by anyone (saw it written though). On the opposite spectrum I saw people on tv expressing a strong imperative to make it known that they are agender (no pronoun was used though). We are all different but also there is no right way and we are all valid.
As for the dysphoria, it was for me the most ridiculous display of denial I could possibly display for so many years. From my teenage years to my forties, I felt a disgust for my face (mainly), yet I always said to myself this was a normal part of life, all that along with thinking I really wanted to be a woman. The denial was so strong that I could not put two and two together.
Now, the fact that that you actually tried to go for an hysteretomy demonstrate in my opinion a level of disgust that I would qualify as dysphoric (you want to erase you most caracteristic feminine attribute). I really understand that the obstacles may seem too strong for a benefit that you may seem too hypothetic, but I think its worth to try again some time later (or elsewhere). It is also fine to live as you are if you are content as you are. So the real question to ask yourself is: are you ?
The cultural expectations around people “needing” to reproduce are so fucked.