Not a newt

Just like grandpa.

Toilet stalls.

Zordon cosplay.

In half the campaigns, the Doctor Farts PC ends up being the MVP because they weren’t minmaxed and as a result have much more utility.

DM: “The phone rings.”

Player: “I pick it up.”

Cthulhu: “Wasaaaaaaaaaaaaap!”

Player: *Cries blood*

“The fork rejects your advances.”

Cobalt 60 has a half life of 5.27 years. Assuming that a language lost to time is at least 500 years old, the rod should be fairly safe to handle. Heck, even after only 100 years less than 0.01% of the original amount of radioactive material would be left.

But that aside - One of the items that can be found in the video game series Avernum is Uranium bars, which give you a nice unhealthy glow :)

According to the Wikipedia article I just read (which now makes me an expert), calico is a specific kind of tortie. All calicos are tortoiseshell but not all tortoiseshell are calico.

I was going to make a “I said tortie, not turtle” joke, but ya beat me to it.