Secret Music

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Love this thread. I feel like I hover somewhere close to aroace but also not quite. I can identify with a lot of things said in this thread but feel like I don’t completely fit the description. Maybe spilling my guts about my own experience in this regard will help me figure it out.

I don’t dislike sex and intimacy but don’t actively seek it out myself and can go without indefinitely if need be (it’s probably been at least 10 years at this point anyway). But I have no aversion to it either. I can think of two people another lifetime ago with whom I had that immediate mutual electricity (and who, for reasons that would require an essay to explain, nothing ever happened with, they’re both kinda what ifs in my life) but other than that, literally every relationship or fling that I’ve had was initiated by the other person. Even my first relationship back in high school where I had zero clue what I was supposed to do and didn’t even kiss her for the first month or two lol.

And as far as romantic attraction goes, I’m not even sure what that really is. I like connecting with people on some level. If I was going to find a partner I guess I would be looking for something close to a best friend. Getting together and spending time and flirting and cuddling and all that shit is awesome. But also permanently sharing your personal space and bed and cupboard and bathroom with someone else sounds like it would be fun at first, then get a little suffocating and cause fighting and misery. Romance is fun but so is independence.

I could possibly be demisexual but I’m not sure because like I said, while I don’t go out looking for it, I never had an aversion to it whenever it found me either.

Edit: I think might come and go because sometimes it does get lonely. It comes and goes the same way as ‘gender’. As far as that goes, all I’m sure of is what I’m not. But I still float between the ‘other’ thing, a third thing or nothing.

Edit 2: I’m definitely capable of having crushes though so idk.

Schools stalking their students’ social media profiles is actually just fucked up in the first place. Before social media, they had no way to invade a kid’s life outside of school this way. And the fact that it happens now without much of a fuss is alarming. Humankind really is just sleepwalking into fascism.

I saw someone else here mention that they came up with a short list of names, then got friends to rate them or vote on them and narrow it down from there. Might be an idea. Thinking about it, you can’t really blame people for not wanting to make that decision for someone else. Although it would make it easier lol.

I wish I could come up with another name. For some reason, it just feels weird and almost wrong to name myself. That isn’t judgement against people who have chosen their own names, it’s my own awful hangups and I wish I had the confidence to pick something for myself and own it. So I guess I need a group of friends that know me and can help me pick one.

My real name is gendered af. And even before this awakening, I disliked it because everywhere I go, there’ll always be other people with the same name as me. It’s like my parents’ generation just had no fucking imagination or originality. And it’s people being named basic shit that leads to all of the Tragedeighs in the next generation as over compensation.

Is this the woke agenda?

Ah, there it is. It’s pretty sad that I just knew from the moment I saw this headline that it would be more about bashing queer people than celebrating straight people. I actually commented about this in another thread earlier saying that I think if people need an excuse to celebrate and be merry that’s great, but I hope it’s not just a bigot parade. But even while I typed that, I knew that it was wishful thinking.

It’s like all these people have is hate. Nothing else. Everything revolves around hatred. Can’t feel good about themselves without tearing someone else down. It’s not a “hetero awesome fest”, it’s just a “gay people must die fest.” How surprising /s

Especially when they support politicians that want to legally marry children and send them to work in the mines on a school night. And it’s never been a secret that these politicians are a bunch of kiddie fiddlers. In fact, southern (red) US states have a reputation all the way across the ocean here for being where the products of incest, teen moms and preachers that can’t keep their hands to themselves in youth group all live.

It’s no secret. And yet masses of people voted for this scum to “protect the children” from drag queens reading books in public libraries. I don’t know if these people actually believe the lie that they tell when they say they care about the children but I sure as hell don’t. Because it’s pretty clear to me with my own eyes and my own brains that these people willingly handed their children over to the most prolific predators and pedos of all.

lose control of the information

Honestly that is an amazing way of putting it. And I think that pretty accurately describes how I feel about the big ‘coming out’ event. I would like people to know for the sake of my own freedom but also, I kinda like having my own secret world where I don’t have to explain or justify anything to anyone.

It’s also why whenever this question has come up in the past, I’ll usually say that I want to move somewhere new first before making it any more obvious that I’m not just a non-conformist. So that anyone who knows the truth has only ever known the real me without the mask, and I don’t have to explain myself to family or people I’ve barely spoken to in a decade.

I have no idea what my father’s beliefs are or who he even really is but he doesn’t strike me as right wing. My mother is someone who would be accepting of other people but I’m not convinced that this acceptance would extent to me. My two older sisters who practically raised me would probably be accepting but still I’m scared of rejection in that regard.

Over all, if I had to break the news that I’m non-binary, first of all I’d probably have a bit of explaining to do of what non-binary even is in the first place. And I think they’d be accepting to my face but there would lots of phone calls and gossiping behind my back.

Don’t count your chickens just yet. That recent ruling by the UK supreme court came under the UK’s so called “centre-left” party’s watch. Along with their prime minister shamelessly agreeing with it.

These people (politicians) are not to be fucking trusted until they’ve proven they can be trusted. If left / progressive / liberal governments around the world were actually effective at doing anything other than sitting with their thumbs up their asses and collecting bloated paychecks (and bribes / donations), we wouldn’t be seeing this rise of the right wing in the first place.

I would suggest waiting just a little longer to see if these people are actually legit or if they’re planning on ‘fighting’ the right wing by doing exactly what the right wing wants.