He was once shaved for a medical procedure, and was so traumatized by the experience he can only hide his belly against his owner’s scalp and pray the vet takes her hair instead.

A while back YouTube disabled the home feed recommendations unless you have watch history turned on. The problem is, under the old behavior if you had history turned off, it’d only recommend videos based on your recent likes and watch later playlist - in other words, it’d recommend things based on what you like to watch rather than what’s popular.

This meant users with watch history turned off got better, more relevant suggestions than those subject to the normal algorithm (where you’d get constant right-wing influencer spam if you clicked on a single vaguely political video). So of course Google disabled it. Can’t have a feature that prioritizes customer satisfaction over engagement, after all!

Need to light the campfire? Prestidigitation! Also works to extinguish it.

Dropped a spoon on the ground? Prestidigitation! It’s clean again!

Lost the spoon? Prestidigitation! You have a new one for twelve seconds, long enough for a quick stir.

Forgot a spice and the flavor is off? Prestidigitation! Your meal now tastes exactly how you want it to.

Need to call the party to eat? Prestidigitation! You create a flare, the sound of a chime, or just spread the smell of cooked food around.

Left the food out too long and now it’s cold? Prestidigitation! It’s the perfect temperature again. Also works for chilling drinks (your booze hounds will thank you).

Post-meal cleanup? Done in under a minute no matter how messy the barbarian eats, thanks once again to prestidigitation.

This reminds me of how during Prohibition in the United States, bootleggers started using industrial and medical alcohol to get around the ban. In response, the US government forced manufacturers to add poisons to all alcohol not meant for drinking. Over ten thousand people died, but hey, at least the Prohibitionists got to feel smugly superior, right?

“Finally, the Big Bad has been slain and the adventure is over! Time to leave the party and go back to my wife and kids!”

“… Leave?”