And for my next trick, I mean miracle, I’ll convince this crowd that Jesus is cool with rich bureaucrats by pounding the Widow And Her Two Mites into their skulls for the second time in a month.

Camels and needles? Rendering to Caesar? Braiding a whip? Loaves and fishes? Whaaaat, no, that’s socialism, I mean Satanism!

But will you be a sunbeam for him?

i feel so called out.

HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON’T TRIP IT 🤘🤡🤘

Oh, my point is simple. Let me spell it out for you.

COUNTERSPELL.

You know what else a Rakshasa can’t do?

Breathe underwater. Or pick locks on a pair of handcuffs. Or lift a 500lb concrete block attached to their ankle.

Or teleport past the slowly sinking metal grate keeping them from the surface.

My workflow for a character goes like this:

• Pick a song or a general aesthetic that I like.
• Make a character that, if you squint and look sideways hard enough, you can see it.
• Pick a random name and gender.

Seriously. Pick ANY folk-punk, hiphop, or heavy metal anthem that’s been stuck in your head for a week.

“The illusory rabbit barbarian plants its feet, hefts its axe, rears back its head… and squeaks.”

Angry rabbit familiar: (absolutely living for it)

My cowardly wizard: (so damn proud of her for finally making a dude piss his pants)

Dragon cultist: (confused screaming)

That movie was perfectly written for its target audience. Every D&D player knew what was happening, knew how it happened, and could easily imagine the DM’s exasperated facial expressions as they dragged these lunatics feet first into a good story.

As a player of a goblin cleric… Selûne save me, this is too damn relatable.