Obligatory “…but I’m dummy thicc, and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards!”

My wife has failed stealth checks so bad that the DM had her fall on her face and fart so loud that the rest of the party had to pass an ability check to not be incapacitated by laughter.

For me its, im so old my balls sound like churchbells while walking up the stairs of the tower where the guards are standing ready to slice me in half

Should have taken that cushy guard job after that arrow to the knee.

You crouch down to sneak away, but trigger a hernia. You pass out from the pain.